In 16th century Romania, a reign of terror is imposed by the vampire king Radu and his malevolent lover, the sorceress Stephenia. The vampire hunter Victor Van Sloan devises a cunning plan to deceive Stephenia into opening an enchanted music box that ultimately ensnares her soul. However, in a twist of fate, Van Sloan plummets to his demise when his foolish son accidentally shifts a hay cart positioned to cushion his fall. As the music box is washed away in a river, Radu embarks on a relentless search for it that spans centuries.
Fast forward to modern-day, a group of American college students decides to spend a semester at Razvan University, formerly the castle of Radu, influenced primarily by their friend Rusty—who bears an eerie resemblance to the vampire king. Rusty's true motivation is to meet his online girlfriend Draguta. Upon arrival at the university, they encounter the eccentric dean Floca and their self-defense instructor Teodora, who is a descendant of Van Sloan and has taken on the crucial responsibility of preventing Radu from reclaiming the music box.
That evening, Radu makes his sinister return to the castle, initiating a chilling ceremony to resurrect Stephenia. Trouble arises when an oblivious blonde inadvertently spills her blood on the music box's gem, allowing Stephenia to potentially reclaim her body once the box is opened. Meanwhile, Rusty discovers that Draguta is actually the dean's hunchbacked daughter, and after learning of her previous boyfriend's horrid fate—locked away for standing her up—he finds himself reluctantly entrapped in a relationship with her due to Floca's heavy-handed tactics.
As the students uncover Floca's dark secret of abducting girls for grotesque experiments aimed at achieving a body swap for Draguta, they execute a daring plan to rescue their friend’s still-living head just as Floca reappears with Draguta for the morbid procedure. Complications arise when Teodora mistakenly identifies Rusty as Radu, due to his costume for a vampire-themed party he missed after being unintentionally drugged.
Rusty finds himself caught in a treacherous situation as Radu's minions try to use him for the ritual to bring back Stephenia. When it becomes clear that the ritual involves the horrific act of extracting the heart of the body that would host Stephenia, Rusty is left with no choice but to close the music box and endure the nonsensical ramblings of his friend, who believes aliens are controlling her.
In a whimsical turn of events, Rusty attempts to evade detection by hiding behind a frame meant for photographs while his friends remain oblivious to the real dangers surrounding them. Amidst the chaos, a series of comical misunderstandings unfolds when Teodora confronts Rusty, dismissing his claims as mere “vampire lies.” Things escalate when the actual Radu and Stephenia arrive, revealing the misunderstandings and errors made by Teodora and the gang.
As fate would have it, campus security arrests Teodora, leaving the inept Cliff in charge of dealing with Radu. Unfortunately, his misguided attempts at being a vampire hunter result in a fatal mishap when a crossbow accidentally strikes Radu in the heart, turning him to dust. In the aftermath, Teodora smashes the music box, ridding Stephenia's spirit from its grasp and liberating her host.
A time jump later shows Cliff as a newly minted professor at Razvan University, concocting a dubious tale of how Radu was vanquished. He elaborates on the diverse fates of his friends; while some flourish in their careers, others struggle to find their footing. In a humorous twist, Rusty, now married to the transformed Draguta, faces the unexpected challenges of parenthood as their child inherits an unusual mix of features, including Dean Floca's goatee and the distinct hunch of Draguta. Dean Floca's criminal deeds have left him behind bars, and Teodora, having relocated to America, faces her own battles in law enforcement as she navigates a world where the line between the grotesque and the ordinary is often blurred.
