I Am My Own Woman

Lothar Berfelde grows up as an effeminate boy in Nazi Germany, finding solace in routine and privacy. He helps at his great-uncle's house, where minor acts of care give him a sense of identity. On a vacation to Eastern Prussia, Luise—the household 'aunt' who is a transgender man—allows him to dress in female clothes and introduces him to The Transvestite by Dr Magnus Hirschfeld, planting the seed of living as a woman.

Back in Berlin, after the death of his great-uncle, Lothar endures brutal punishment from his father. In a desperate bid to save himself and his mother, Lothar bludgeons his father to death. The crime triggers psychiatric evaluation and imprisonment, setting a dark turning point in his life.

Following the patricide, Lothar is subjected to psychiatric evaluation and institutionalization. The war's upheaval compounds his precarious position as he navigates the legacy of the crime. The experience marks a long period of psychological and social struggle.

As World War II ends, the city offers little safety for the young woman-to-be. Lothar/Charlotte escapes danger by wandering the streets, narrowly avoiding being killed as a deserter by former soldiers. The liberation is chaotic, leaving her to forge a new identity in a battered capital.

By 1946, Lothar has embraced a feminine identity and lives full-time as a woman. She adopts the name Charlotte von Mahlsdorf, with Charlotte and Lottchen reflecting her dual self. The transformation marks a turning point from survival to self-authorship in postwar Berlin.

Charlotte moves into the ruined Friedrishfelde castle and dedicates years to restoring it. She labors to transform the neglected property into a living reminder of turn-of-the-century life. The castle becomes a sanctuary for her collection and memories, shaping her museum ambitions.

Despite her efforts, East German authorities expel her from the Friedrishfelde estate. She must seek work elsewhere, facing state hostility toward queer life. The episode illustrates the regime's intolerance toward homosexuals and dissidents.

Charlotte finds work as a domestic in the household of Herbert von Zitzenau, an elderly equestrian officer. The two begin a long, intimate relationship that lasts for years until Zitzenau's health declines and he dies. She explains preferring older lovers who provide protection and stability.

Charlotte meets Joechen in a public restroom, where she can finally be a complete woman. Their relationship includes sadomasochistic role-playing and lasts for 27 years until Joechen's death. The partnership becomes a central thread through decades of East German life.

Charlotte preserves the entire contents of East Berlin's first gay bar after the DDR closes it. The collection is moved to the Gründerzeit Museum in Mahlsdorf, where she curates and maintains it for future generations. This act cements a physical memory of queer history within her care.

In 1989, the elderly Charlotte appears in Heiner Carow's first East German gay film Coming Out. The film's premiere aligns with the fall of the Berlin Wall, signaling a turning point in political and cultural life. Her visibility marks a moment of liberalization for LGBTQ culture in Germany.

After reunification, the government takes the Gründerzeit Museum from Charlotte, illustrating new governance tensions. She and her circle face attacks by neo-Nazis during the first joint East–West gay and lesbian gathering. The period shows that prejudice persists even as Germany is politically transformed.

In 1992, Charlotte's life work is officially recognized by the German government. She receives the Cross of the Order of Merit for advancing sexual freedom and preserving LGBTQ history. The award cements her legacy as a foundational figure in Germany's queer cultural memory.