The film begins with an elderly homeless man, Bud Cort, being brutally assaulted by a trio of mysterious pre-teen children on a deserted boardwalk in Asbury Park, New Jersey. Meanwhile, in the nearby town of Red Bank, Cardinal Glick, played by George Carlin, unveils a plan at a church aimed at rejuvenating the dwindling image of Catholicism. His ambitious proposal includes the introduction of a new cheerful symbol for Jesus, the Buddy Christ, and a re-dedication of a century-old church. This event comes with a special offer: anyone who enters the church on the re-dedication day will receive complete forgiveness for their sins through a plenary indulgence, granting them a fresh moral slate.
This intriguing news captures the attention of two fallen angels, Bartleby and Loki, who are loitering at an airport terminal. They soon receive a newspaper clipping about the church’s re-dedication ceremony. Having been banished from Heaven after Loki, the former angel of death, quit under pressure from Bartleby, the pair find themselves stuck in Wisconsin for an eternity. Desperate to escape their dismal fate, they see the plenary indulgence as a loophole that could allow them to sneak back into Heaven. With a meticulously crafted plan, which they believe is foolproof, they set off on a murderous spree to eliminate individuals whom they deem sinners, including the creators of the hit children's show Mooby the Golden Calf.
We are then introduced to Bethany Sloane, a disenchanted Catholic grappling with a crisis of faith after her husband’s departure left her devastated, especially after a disease claimed her ability to bear children. Residing in Illinois and working at an abortion clinic often targeted by pro-life demonstrators, Bethany has pushed her personal life aside, focusing entirely on her profession.
As the storyline develops, we also meet Azrael, a demon overseeing the Stygian Triplets. After committing a murder to highlight a delicious sin, he instructs the Triplets to hunt down the last Scion. One fateful night, while preparing for bed, Bethany encounters the Metatron, portrayed by Alan Rickman, who acts as God’s messenger. He informs her about Bartleby and Loki’s scheme to exploit the church’s loophole. However, he highlights a crucial flaw: if these fallen angels successfully return to Heaven, it would reveal that God is not infallible, jeopardizing all of existence. Entrusted with the important mission to stop them, Bethany, initially hesitant, soon realizes the gravity of the situation.
As she gathers her belongings in preparation for her journey to New Jersey, Bethany finds herself attacked by the demonic Triplets but is rescued by the unlikely duo of Jay and Silent Bob, two New Jersey drug dealers. Their comedic antics lead to a late-night diner meal where Bethany discovers they are the prophets foretold by the Metatron. Jay’s misunderstanding of Bethany’s intentions further adds to the humor as they all set off towards New Jersey.
After a thrilling series of events—including a bizarre encounter with the 13th apostle Rufus, who isn’t in the Bible due to his race—the group faces numerous challenges as Bartleby and Loki continue their rampage. Each encounter uncovers deeper theological discussions and comedic misadventures, such as debates on the nature of God and the role of the angels.
As the movie progresses, things take a dark turn when Bartleby’s obsession with revenge leads him to commit heinous acts at the Mooby boardroom, culminating in violence during the church ceremony. The stakes escalate dramatically; Azrael’s schemes and Bartleby’s betrayal threaten to unravel everything, resulting in a fierce confrontation at the church. In a dramatic conclusion filled with revelations about Bethany's true lineage as the last Scion - a blood relative of Jesus - the narrative reaches a poignant and humorous climax, showcasing themes of faith, redemption, and divine intervention.
Ultimately, the film entwines these engaging narratives into a tapestry of comedy and theology, leading to a satisfying resolution where Bethany is revived, paving the way for a new beginning. The message rings clear as faith is restored, and amid the chaos, there’s a delightful revelation of Bethany’s pregnancy, leaving audiences to ponder the balance between the sacred and the absurd in human existence.
