First Reformed

Ernst Toller, the pastor of First Reformed Church, initiates a journal to document his inner thoughts over the course of a year. This exercise is not just a reflection but also a way to confront his deepening crisis of faith and understanding of his life.

The historic First Reformed Church, once a key site on the Underground Railroad, has seen a decline in attendance and spiritual purpose. Under Toller's guidance, it has shifted from its Calvinist roots to become more of a tourist attraction than a place of worship.

Haunted by the loss of his son, Joseph, in the Iraq War, Toller confronts his own battles with alcoholism. This personal turmoil propels him towards a deeper exploration of faith and spirituality, seeking wisdom in religious texts and teachings.

Toller meets Mary Mensana, who comes seeking help for her husband, Michael, an environmental activist. Their conversation reveals Michael's distressing thoughts about parenthood in a world ravaged by climate change, pushing Toller into a complex moral landscape.

During their discussions, Michael expresses his wish for Mary to have an abortion, failing to see hope for the future. The situation escalates when Toller finds a suicide vest belonging to Michael, prompting his internal conflict regarding intervention and the potential fallout.

Before Toller can meet Michael again, he learns devastating news: Michael has taken his own life. This tragedy weighs heavily on Toller, as he feels responsible and haunted by his inability to prevent it.

A memorial service is held at a local toxic-waste site, reflecting the environmental issues Michael was passionate about. His ashes are scattered in a poignant ceremony that emphasizes the grim reality of climate change.

As the church prepares for its 250th anniversary service, tensions rise between Toller and Edward Balq, a financial supporter with vested interests in pollution. Toller advocates for responsible stewardship of the Earth, while Balq dismisses these concerns, viewing them as excess complicity.

Toller seeks medical help due to persistent physical pain, leading to testing that suggests potential stomach cancer. His mounting health issues add another layer of stress as he grapples with personal and pastoral responsibilities.

In a bid to understand Michael's profound fears regarding Balq's factory, Toller uncovers Michael's laptop. This exploration provides insight into the activist's mindset and the societal threats that preoccupied him, making Toller question the broader implications of their discussions.

In a moment of vulnerability, Mary visits Toller, and they share a deep emotional connection, reminiscent of her bond with Michael. This meeting signifies the intertwining of loss and affection, revealing the complex relationships at play.

As the anniversary service approaches, Toller grapples with his own despair, leading him to consider using the explosive vest meant for Michael. This drastic decision symbolizes his inner turmoil and desperation to make a statement.

On the day of the anniversary service, Toller prepares to carry out his plan, but in a critical moment, he substitutes the vest for barbed wire. This act of self-sacrifice is laden with meaning, as he seeks to draw attention to the grave issues at hand.

Just as Toller is about to consume drain cleaner, a pivotal moment occurs when Mary interrupts him. Their passionate embrace prevents him from following through, culminating in an abrupt yet profound end to the film.