Lou Andreas-Salomé, The Audacity to be Free

Lou Andreas-Salomé was born in St. Petersburg in 1861, the youngest child among five brothers and the only girl in her family. Growing up in a cultured environment, Lou often felt like an outsider, which shaped her later rebellious spirit against societal norms.

At the age of 16, Lou lost her father, the person she cherished most. This loss profoundly affected her faith and led her to rebel against conventional societal expectations.

Lou sought private philosophical lessons from the Dutch minister Henrik Gillot, developing deep feelings for him. However, when he proposed marriage, Lou realized that she had to flee St. Petersburg to pursue her intellectual aspirations.

After fleeing to Switzerland, Lou found solace at the University of Zürich. Yet, her health deteriorated due to pneumonia, forcing her to seek recovery in Rome, marking an important shift in her journey.

In Rome, at a suffragette salon hosted by Malwide Meyersbug, Lou met Paul Rée, who initially proposed marriage. After declining his offer, their friendship blossomed, leading Lou to meet the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche.

Lou and Nietzsche developed a deep intellectual bond, sharing ambitious plans for a communal retreat. However, their relationship faced tumult due to the intervention of Nietzsche's sister, who viewed Lou as a rival.

Seeking independence and creative freedom, Lou accepted a marriage proposal from Friedrich Carl Andreas, with the condition that their union remain unconsummated. This agreement allowed her to focus fully on her writing, leading to considerable literary success.

Lou initially underestimated Rainer Maria Rilke, a little-known poet, but his persistence won her over. Their love blossomed, yet was fraught with challenges due to Rilke's psychological struggles, ultimately leading Lou to end their relationship.

In an effort to escape her emotional turmoil, Lou engaged in a series of brief romances, culminating in an unwanted pregnancy. This crisis forced her to confront her choices and the pain of her past.

In Vienna, Lou sought the expertise of Sigmund Freud as she embarked on a psychoanalysis journey. This therapeutic process enabled her to gradually unravel the buried traumas of her youth, bringing her closer to understanding herself.

Years later, in 1933, Lou returned to Göttingen, where her relationship with Ernst Pfeiffer deepened. However, she struggled with her complicated marriage and the challenge of writing her memoirs amidst failing eyesight.

Lou and Pfeiffer embarked on a shared journey of writing her memoirs, reliving the vibrant experiences of her life. Their bond, however, faced strain as Lou grappled with her past and hesitated to share certain pivotal stories.

As the political climate worsened, Lou and Pfeiffer confronted the looming threat of the Gestapo. The climax of this tension resulted in the burning of Lou's private diaries, symbolizing a devastating loss of her personal history.

Despite the turmoil and fear surrounding her, Lou's memoirs ultimately endured, preserving the extraordinary odyssey of her life. These writings serve as a testament to her resilience and her contributions to literature and psychoanalysis.