Go to Blazes

A refined gentleman walks the London streets with flowers and chocolates on the way to a date. He stops at a jeweller’s window, throws a box containing a brick through the glass, and grabs the jewels. He and his two accomplices jump into a Citroen DS and flee as police give chase, only to be stopped at a junction by a passing fire engine and are captured, ending up at Wormwood Scrubs.

After their release, the trio decide a fire engine would be the least delayed transport. They visit a fire engine salesroom, where the salesman extols the virtues of the machines but they cannot afford a new engine. They then scout a scrap yard to hunt for an old one.

They steal a well-maintained 1930s fire engine stored in a remote fire station and swap it for their scrap engine of the same type. To hide the theft, they burn down the fire station, leaving a burnt-out scrap in the debris. They relocate the engine to a big shed in Smithfield.

With their engine parked in a Smithfield shed, they identify a jeweller near Berkeley Square and obtain firemen's uniforms from a costume shop. The plan is to pose as real firemen to get close to another target. They begin laying the groundwork for the heist.

Their first attempt to rob the jeweller's shop ends in disaster as they are pursued by the police. Harry escapes into a wedding-dress showroom, where he meets Chantal, the French shop owner, and pretends to be the son of Lady Hamilton. He sets up a dinner date, complicating their criminal plans.

Meanwhile, Bernard and Alfie in the fire engine are mistaken for real firefighters by a desperate homeowner with a flooded basement, and are asked to pump out the water. Their attempt only worsens the flooding, and they flee when the real fire brigade arrives. The failure steels their resolve to improve.

The trio realises they must become professional so they can pass as trained firemen. Arson Eddie, a mad professor who loves arson, is unwilling to help with putting out fires, leaving them to seek other guidance. They start looking for someone who can teach them the balance of fire-raising and firefighting.

A chance conversation outside a fire station leads them to Withers, a fire chief dismissed from the service for arson, theft and conduct unbecoming. He agrees to train the trio in exchange for a share in a future bank job. The team now has a mentor for their larger plan.

Chantal's salon sits next to a bank, and the criminals scheme a fire in her basement to bring them close to the bank. They return to Arson Eddie for a proper fire-raising scheme. Chantal's boss Madame Colette reveals the business is in trouble, but her dress collection is insured for £20,000, a detail that colors their plans.

Arson Eddie visits the dress shop under the guise of a client, yet his romantic scheme is frustrated. Madame Colette then lights curtains as part of her plan, and the bank robbery proceeds from the basement while a real fire rages above. The thieves escape with a fire hose stuffed with banknotes.

Colette and Chantal spot Harry and Mr Mountbatten on the fire engine in uniform, drawing a police chase. A patrolman overhears the getaway and begins the pursuit. The awareness of being watched escalates the tension of their escape.

As the robbers flee, two girls’ treehouse catches fire and the crooks are forced to join in fighting a real blaze. Alfie attaches the wrong hose to the pump, soaking the scene with banknotes instead of water. The money becomes part of the chaotic getaway.

The crooks are hauled away in a Black Maria on their way to prison, and a Queen’s limousine appears in the window of the van. Bernard quips that he has another idea for the perfect getaway vehicle, hinting at future schemes even as their sentence begins.