I'm Still Here

In December 1970, Rubens Paiva lives with his wife Eunice in an idyllic house near Leblon beach, resuming his civil career after the coup. He quietly continues to support political exiles, keeping his activities away from his family. The family’s stability is soon upended by the growing political crackdown.

Friends Fernando and Dalva Gasparian decide to seek refuge in London and take the Paivas’ eldest daughter, Vera. Vera had previously witnessed military violence, adding urgency to their departure. The family watches as a safer path away from Brazil begins to take shape.

A military raid hits the Paiva household, and Rubens Paiva is arrested and disappears. The incident marks the start of a long, anguished search for truth about his fate. The family’s sense of security collapses in an instant.

Eunice publicly questions the whereabouts of her husband and is arrested. She endures 12 days of interrogation and torture as the regime pressures her to reveal information. Her resilience becomes a cornerstone of the family’s ongoing fight for accountability.

The Paiva family learns that their teenage daughter Eliana is imprisoned for 24 hours. The episode underscores the regime’s indiscriminate reach and the constant threat hanging over the children. The family members suffer through fear and uncertainty from afar.

Newspaper stories claim Rubens has fled the country, but Eunice and her friends suspect otherwise. The rumors complicate the family’s search for truth and feed public suspicion about the regime’s actions. The discrepancy between media and reality deepens the sense of injustice.

With the help of lawyer Lino Machado, Eunice files a habeas corpus petition seeking Rubens’s whereabouts. The legal move marks a formal attempt to document state repression. It signals the beginning of a protracted legal battle for accountability.

Family friend Bocaiuva Cunha informs Eunice that Rubens had secretly been helping political exiles. The revelation deepens the tragedy and reinforces the sense that Rubens’s actions were tied to a broader resistance. Eunice weighs how this complicates the narrative of loss.

Martha, a former teacher, recalls being imprisoned with Rubens and later writes a letter detailing her arrest. She fears public testimony but contributes to the historical record. Her account adds a personal perspective to the repression endured by many.

Félix, a journalist and family friend, informs Eunice that Rubens was killed. The military authorities refuse to confirm this officially, leaving a void where truth should be. Eunice and others continue to press for recognition despite government stonewalling.

Left to care for her children alone, Eunice sells the family home and moves to São Paulo near her maternal family. The move marks a fresh start amid years of separation and uncertainty. She begins rebuilding her life while keeping Rubens’s memory alive.

In 1996, Brazil’s return to democracy brings Rubens’s official death certificate, presented publicly with journalists present. Eunice uses the moment to demand reparations for victims’ families and accountability for the dictatorship’s crimes. The event cements the struggle for recognition in the national memory.

During a family gathering in 2014, the now 85-year-old Eunice lives with advanced Alzheimer's disease. She grows distressed when a National Truth Commission report addresses Rubens’s case. The moment highlights how personal memory intersects with national reckoning.

An epilogue states that five men are identified as responsible for Rubens’s murder at the DOI-CODI headquarters between January 21 and 22, 1971, but none is prosecuted. The lack of accountability underscores the enduring impunity surrounding the dictatorship’s crimes. The Paiva family’s story remains a stark reminder of unresolved history.

The epilogue notes that Eunice later earned a law degree at age 48 and became a leading expert on indigenous rights, advising the federal government, the World Bank, and the United Nations. She died in 2018 at the age of 89. Her life embodies resilience, advocacy, and a lasting commitment to justice.