Carry On Cleo

The film opens with Caesar's invasions of Britain, while Mark Antony struggles to lead his armies through miserable weather. In a nearby village, cavemen Horsa and Hengist Pod attempt to alert Boudica to the invasion but are captured by the Romans. Their capture sets off a chain of events that pulls Britain, Rome, and Egypt into a single, chaotic plot.

Back in Rome, Horsa is sold by the slave-trading firm Marcus et Spencius, while Hengist is doomed to be thrown to the lions when no buyer appears. The two cavemen escape their fate and seek refuge in the Temple of Vesta, hoping to avoid Roman anger. Their escape marks the unlikely beginning of a lifelong connection with Julius Caesar.

Inside the Temple of Vesta, Julius Caesar arrives to consult the Vestal Virgins and a sudden danger erupts when his bodyguard Bilius launches a failed assassination. Horsa kills Bilius in the melee, and Hengist gleefully takes credit for saving Caesar and becomes his new bodyguard. The two cavemen's fortunes flip as Caesar's entourage grudgingly accepts them.

A power struggle erupts in Egypt as Mark Antony is sent to force Cleopatra to abdicate in favor of Ptolemy. Antony is won over by Cleopatra's charm and, off-screen, eliminates Ptolemy to secure her favor. This act reshapes the balance of power and sets the stage for a Rome-Egypt alliance.

Cleopatra convinces Antony to kill Caesar and rule Rome together, forging a potent alliance between the two rulers. The pair seduce one another and plot to advance their plan, drawing Hengist deeper into the conspiracy.

Caesar and Hengist travel to Egypt on a galley, accompanied by Agrippa whom Antony has convinced to kill Caesar. Horsa has been recaptured and is a slave on Caesar's galley. After killing the galley-master, Horsa and the galley slaves kill Agrippa and his fellow assassins and swim ashore in Egypt, while Hengist, sent out to fight Agrippa and unaware of Horsa's presence, again takes credit for the victory.

Arriving in Cleopatra's palace, an Egyptian soothsayer warns Caesar of the plot against him, but Mark Antony persuades Caesar not to flee. Instead, Caesar convinces Hengist to switch places with him, since Cleopatra and Caesar have never met, hoping to meet the enigmatic queen.

When Cleopatra finally meets Hengist, she lures him in and he inadvertently exposes both Cleopatra and Antony as would-be assassins. Hengist and Caesar then ally with Horsa and fight their way through Cleopatra's guards, finally fleeing Egypt together after defeating Sosages.

Caesar is returned to Rome, only to be assassinated on the Ides of March. Horsa and Hengist survive the upheaval and begin plotting their next moves as Britain calls.

Horsa and Hengist return to Britain, while Mark Antony remains in Egypt to live 'one long Saturday night' with Cleopatra, hinting at an unsettled world order. Their return marks a curious bridge between Roman intrigue and looming British horizons.

In Egypt, Antony's affair with Cleopatra continues to shape the fate of both Rome and Egypt as the film ends on a note of lingering power balance. The ongoing liaison suggests further chaos rather than a stable, single-rule future.

The tale closes with Horsa and Hengist quietly navigating history, their unlikely alliance leaving a chaotic, comedic aftertaste across Britain, Rome, and Egypt. The film hints that their meddling will echo through time in unpredictable ways.