Before I Forget

Pierre, a 58-year-old gay man, finds himself at a crossroads, grappling with the stark contrast between his once-lustrous past as a hustler and the harsh realities of aging. His earlier years, filled with reckless abandon and a voracious appetite for pleasure, have now dulled into a sense of persistent discontent, punctuated by chronic insomnia and anxiety fueled by caffeine. Adding to his struggles is the weight of a 24-year-old HIV diagnosis that looms over him like a shadow.

Pierre’s monotonous daily life takes a slight detour with occasional visits from Marc, a young hustler who appears more interested in rekindling Pierre’s former glory than fostering any genuine connection. One day, Marc suggests a night out at a drag club, but Pierre gracefully declines, heavily influenced by his reluctance to part with his distinguished mustache. This seemingly trivial rejection sharply reminds Pierre of the ephemeral nature of youth and beauty.

Later on, he visits Jacques, a wealthy friend who is dealing with financial troubles. Their interaction quickly turns into a morbid game, where they compare their experiences with gigolos, highlighting the bitter reality that both men face as they age. As Pierre’s frustration reaches its peak, he seeks solace in the vibrant life of Pigalle, only to confront the stark limits of his own desires.

An unexpected encounter with Paul, an old acquaintance and former convict who recently came into wealth, shakes Pierre further. Paul, now a well-off man in his mid-30s, had once been involved with Roland Barthes, a renowned intellectual who was once the object of Pierre’s affection. This meeting serves as a painful reminder of the fleeting nature of beauty and youth.

As Pierre undergoes a reflective exploration of his past, he reminisces about his own criminal escapades, which include his hustler days and a penchant for petty theft. Faced with the bitter fruits of life’s unpredictability—the death of his benefactor Toutoune, the forfeiture of his inheritance, and the specter of his illness—he delves deeper into his sense of mortality.

In the throes of his existential crisis, Pierre wanders through the abandoned rooms of Toutoune’s mansion, seeking remnants of a past that remain tantalizingly out of reach. The fading opulence serves not just as a backdrop but also prompts introspection about what could potentially bring him joy—be it a new young lover or the quiet acceptance of his lost life.

Burdened by the onset of depression, Pierre reaches out to his psychotherapist for a glimmer of hope. However, just as he feels ready to unpack the weight of his emotions, the therapy session is unexpectedly cut short, leaving him feeling unfulfilled. Back at home, he obsesses over the implications of his medication—afraid that achieving symptom relief could come at the cost of his fragile self-esteem, particularly the fear of losing his hair.

Amidst navigating his troubled life, Pierre seeks unconventional coping mechanisms: he shares intimate moments with a grocery deliveryman, offers advice to a young hustler, and finds comfort in the company of his friend David. In a courageous attempt at self-acceptance, he takes a daring leap into the world of adult entertainment, accompanied by Marc. Together, they explore a lively night at a local porn cinema, indulging in a whirlwind of provocative revelry that pushes the boundaries of Pierre’s previous existence.

Last Updated: November 18, 2024 at 20:59