Weekend at Bernie's II

As Larry Wilson (Steve James) and Richard Parker (Andrew McCarthy) entered the dimly lit morgue in Manhattan, the air was thick with a somber ambiance, highlighted only by the faint stench of formaldehyde. Their gazes fell upon the lifeless body of Bernie Lomax, their CEO, who lay cold and still on a metal slab. In a reckless decision, Larry spun an elaborate tale, asserting that Bernie was his long-lost uncle, driven by the desperate desire to claim the executive’s valuable assets, including his coveted credit card. With Richard reluctantly on board, they managed to venture into the realm of the insurance company, where they faced intense scrutiny from their boss and the determined investigator, Arthur Hummel (Barry Bostwick). The tension was palpable as Larry and Richard both denied any knowledge of Bernie’s alleged embezzlement of $2 million, but their boss remained unconvinced, promptly firing them and designating Hummel to shadow them for two weeks with orders to uncover their guilt.

As night enveloped the city, Larry treated Richard to an extravagant dinner, funded by Bernie’s illicit gains. Between bites of gourmet food, Larry shared the news of discovering a key to a safety deposit box in St. Thomas, U.S. Virgin Islands, and urged Richard to use the company’s computer to dig into Bernie’s financial records. Initially hesitant, Richard eventually succumbed to Larry’s relentless push.

Meanwhile, on St. Thomas, a mysterious voodoo queen named Mobu stood poised as ruthless mobsters hired her to track down the elusive $2 million. Her sinister plot included resurrecting Bernie’s corpse through ancient dark magic, dispatching her faithful servants, Henry and Charles, to New York with orders to reclaim Bernie’s body, perform the reanimation ritual, and guide him to the hidden treasure. However, their attempts at necromancy were marred by blunders and comedic mishaps.

Back in Manhattan, as Henry and Charles readied themselves for their dark ritual in a rundown adult cinema, they were forced to use a pigeon in place of the sacrificial chicken they had lost. This erroneous substitution led to a bizarre twist: Bernie’s revived body could only respond to sweet tunes. At the bustling 42nd Street–Grand Central subway station, they abandoned Bernie to chase a thief who had swiped their prized boombox.

Later that night, Larry and Richard stealthily infiltrated their office building, eager to unlock Bernie’s supposedly frozen account. To their shock, they discovered that only Bernie’s animated corpse had the means to access the funds. Soon, the pair found themselves in hot water with the authorities for breaking and entering. However, upon their release, they concocted a plan to capture Bernie, wrongly assuming he was still lifeless. They stuffed his animated body into a suitcase and transported it to the U.S. Virgin Islands, stashing him in a tiny refrigerator in their hotel room, oblivious to the mayhem that awaited them.

Unbeknownst to them, Hummel was covertly tailing the duo with the singular goal of retrieving the stolen cash. While Larry and Richard used their newfound companion Bernie to gain entry to his safety deposit box, they were met with disappointment—only a cryptic map awaited them, rather than the rich bounty they had hoped for. Concurrently, Larry formed a connection with Claudia, a local woman, impulsively handing her the very map that had thus far proven fruitless.

Their fleeting joy, however, came to a screeching halt as Henry and Charles captured them and brought them before the formidable Mobu. One of her henchmen ominously aimed a gun at Richard’s head while Claudia was coerced into ingesting a potent potion, admonishing that they must retrieve the map by sundown to secure an antidote.

The trio soon reunited to their astonishment as they witnessed Bernie moving independently. This shocking twist led them to believe he was unwittingly guiding them towards the long-sought $2 million. In a frantic bid to maintain his momentum, they affixed a Walkman with headphones to his lifeless head. As Bernie approached a submerged chest brimming with treasure, their excitement spiraled out of control, resulting in a disastrous speargun incident that destroyed the headphones.

In a desperate attempt to revive their undead associate, they tried to rescue Bernie from the chest; however, he clung tightly. The weight of the treasure proved too heavy, prompting them to attach Bernie to a horse-drawn carriage, accompanied by soothing melodies. This unconventional strategy initially showed promise, but soon the carriage spiraled into chaos.

Following a series of nerve-wracking escapades, the carriage finally skidded to a halt at Mobu’s hideout. In a bizarre twist of fate, a chance encounter with a towering tree branch sent Bernie soaring through the air, knocking Mobu unconscious. The commotion led to Bernie releasing his grip on the chest, which burst open, sending its contents scattering across the ground. As Larry attempted to gather the spoils, he was apprehended by Hummel, who had become increasingly deranged in the presence of the animated Bernie.

With Mobu temporarily out of commission, Claudia’s father, a skilled physician, revealed that he had the means to cure Richard’s condition if he could acquire the blood of a virgin—a task Larry rushed to accomplish. The authorities subsequently rounded up the mobsters, clearing the path for Larry and Richard to reveal their true intentions.

In a mind-blowing revelation, it was disclosed that Bernie had swindled away $3 million instead of the rumored $2 million. With this crucial information at hand, Larry and Richard resolved to use some of the leftover cash to indulge in a luxurious yacht, manned by a stunning crew of women. Meanwhile, Bernie led Henry and Charles, now transformed into goats by the power of voodoo, through a vibrant Carnival parade, bringing their bizarre journey full circle.

Last Updated: November 19, 2024 at 16:30