Nothing But Trouble

While hosting an extravagant party in his lavish Manhattan penthouse, financial publisher Chris Thorne is unexpectedly drawn into the world of investment attorney Diane Lightson, a young woman grappling with heartbreak after her fiancé recently ended their relationship. Eager to engage with her on a more personal level and perhaps form a romantic connection, Chris extends an invitation to accompany her on a trip to Atlantic City for a sales conference. However, their plans are soon interrupted by the arrival of the audacious “Brazillionaire” siblings, Fausto and Renalda Squiriniszu, who decide to tag along on their journey.

As the road trip unfolds, Chris decides to take what he believes to be a scenic detour off the New Jersey Turnpike. This fateful choice leads them directly into the desolate and dilapidated mining village of Valkenvania. In an unfortunate series of events, the group finds themselves in trouble with the law after Chris fails to stop at a stop sign and attempts to evade the watchful eye of Sheriff Dennis Valkenheiser. Their luck quickly worsens as they are apprehended and brought before the ancient Judge Alvin Valkenheiser, who at 106 years old has a rather peculiar approach to justice. The judge immediately confiscates their wallets and identification cards and informs them that they are to be judged at a later date in his eclectic courthouse, which resembles a funhouse more than a place of law.

In a desperate attempt to escape their precarious situation, the group finds themselves split up amidst a chaotic sequence of mishaps. Fausto and Renalda manage to swim across a filthy moat surrounding the judge’s bizarre lair, only to find themselves recaptured by Officer Dennis. In a twist of fate, they negotiate a deal with him to gain their freedom as he contemplates quitting his job. Meanwhile, Chris and Diane, still trapped inside the judge’s twisted funhouse, are faced with the imminent threat posed by Dennis’s overly zealous cousin, Officer Miss Purdah.

The judge, angered by their repeated attempts to flee, decides to imprison Chris and Diane in a dimly lit room. However, with a little assistance from Dennis, the pair manages to escape once again, only to face a multitude of challenges that leads to their separation. Diane stumbles into a dilapidated salvage yard, where she encounters two grotesque, troll-like creatures named Bobo (also portrayed by Dan Aykroyd) and Lil’ Debbull, the judge’s inept grandchildren who are banned from the house. Through determination and quick thinking, Diane earns their trust, catching glimpses of the judge’s mute granddaughter, Eldona, who is inadvertently wreaking havoc by dismantling Chris’s beloved BMW 733i.

Meanwhile, Chris makes a daring move by sneaking into the judge’s personal chambers, only to be caught by Eldona, leading him to face the judge’s unique form of punishment—marrying Eldona to save his life. In a bid for help, Chris reaches out to the alternative rap group Digital Underground, who are also trapped under the judge’s bizarre rules. Following an impromptu performance that wows the judge, they are unexpectedly released from custody.

As the plot thickens, it’s revealed that the judge and his eccentric family harbor a longstanding grudge against wealthy individuals whom they blame for their financial ruin stemming from a poor coal deal in the early 1900s. Anyone deemed a “banker” faces the grim fate of being fed into a terrifying death machine known as “Mr. Bonestripper,” where their remains are disposed of in a grotesque fashion. Just as Chris faces this grim fate, fortune smiles upon him when the machine malfunctions, allowing him to escape.

In a frantic race against time, Chris rescues Diane from the scrapyard, and the both of them make a daring escape aboard a passing train back to New York City. However, their troubles are far from over. Reporting their harrowing ordeal to the authorities leads them to a devastating realization—every law enforcement officer they encounter is in cahoots with the nefarious Judge Valkenheiser. Their narrow escape from the judge’s sinister clutches is ultimately made possible by a catastrophic collapse caused by underground coal fires, which devastates the town of Valkenvania, taking with it the judge, Miss Purdah, and the troll-like creatures.

As the dust settles, Fausto and Renalda are shown back in South America, where Fausto has now taken on the role of personal security for Renalda. Meanwhile, Chris and Diane are at last back in the comfort of Chris’s New York apartment, feeling a profound sense of relief as they discover love in the chaos they endured together. Their newfound peace is abruptly shattered when Chris, while watching the news, sees a segment revealing that the judge has survived the mine collapse and is planning to move in with his new grandson-in-law in New York City! As panic sets in, Chris comically smashes through a wall in his apartment, embodying a classic cartoon character in his desperate exclamation, “No, you’re not!!!”

THE END

Last Updated: January 18, 2025 at 14:36