The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!

In 1837 London, Admiral Cuthbert Collingwood (Mike Cooper) tells Queen Victoria that the Royal Navy has defeated France, Russia, Portugal, China, and Wales. She assumes that the Royal Navy now dominates the world’s oceans, but Admiral Collingwood tells her that the Royal Navy is still dealing with pirates, who she hates. She demands him to have them killed. The Pirate Captain (Hugh Grant), inexpert in the ways of pirates, leads a close-knit, rag-tag group of amateur pirates who are trying to make a name for themselves on the high seas. To prove himself and his crew, the Pirate Captain enters the Pirate of the Year competition, with the winner being whoever can plunder the most. When he tries to submit his application to enter the competition, he is soundly ridiculed by Pirate Captains Bellamy (Jeremy Piven), Cutlass (Salma Hayek) & Peg-Leg (Lenny Henry), each of whom are vastly more successful as a pirate than Pirate Captain himself. After several failed attempts to plunder mundane ships, the Pirate Captain talks with his close first mate, the Pirate with a Scarf (Martin Freeman), about giving up and selling baby clothes as a living but is convinced to try boarding the next ship they find, which happens to be the Beagle. They find no treasure but succeed in capturing Charles Darwin (David Tennant). Darwin recognizes the crew’s pet Polly as the last living dodo and implores the Pirate Captain to enter it into the Scientist of the Year competition at the Royal Academy in London for a valuable prize. Thinking that the prize is money, the Pirate Captain agrees. The Pirate Captain directs his ship to London, despite being warned of Queen Victoria’s (Imelda Staunton) hatred for pirates. Allowing the Pirate Captain and his crew to stay at his house for the night, Charles tries to kidnap Polly with the help of his chimpanzee, Mr. Bobo. Darwin desires to win the Scientist prize on his own in order to impress Queen Victoria, on whom he has a crush. He uses Mr. Bobo, his trained chimpanzee who was from an old theory that parodies his own theory, to try to steal Polly. The Pirate with the Scarf (Pirate Captain’s number 2 in command) witnesses the kidnapping but the attempt goes awry after alerting the other pirates. Darwin avoids implicating himself much to the Pirate with the Scarf’s frustration, but now the Pirate Captain insists on hiding the bird and entering the competition on his own. This annoys Darwin no end as he wanted the glory from the display of Polly. The display of the dodo takes the top prize: however, instead of money, the prize turns out to be a tiny trophy, encyclopedias, and a meeting with Queen Victoria. Queen Victoria requests that Polly be put in her petting zoo, but the Pirate Captain refuses and accidentally reveals his true identity. When he is about to be decapitated, Charles informs Queen Victoria that Polly has been hidden and only the Pirate Captain knows where. She pardons the Pirate Captain and orders Charles to find Polly by any means necessary. Charles and Mr. Bobo get the Pirate Captain intoxicated at a tavern and attempt to kidnap Polly. The Captain ultimately reveals that he had stashed Polly in his beard. Darwin and Mr. Bobo are able to capture Polly and are chased by the Captain up into the Tower of London, where the Queen is waiting. After she sends Charles and Mr. Bobo down a trapdoor into a garbage dump, she offers the Pirate Captain enough treasure to win Pirate of the Year in exchange for Polly. He accepts the offer and returns to his crew. Soon, the Pirate Captain reunites with his crew with his newfound wealth, stating that Polly is sleeping within his beard, and sets off for the Pirate of the Year ceremony. The Pirate with a Scarf expresses doubt to the validity of the Captain’s story. At the ceremony, the Pirate Captain wins the grand prize from the Pirate King, but rival pirate Black Bellamy makes the Queen’s pardon known to all pirates in attendance. Black Bellamy explains that being pardoned means that he is no longer a pirate. The Captain is stripped of the prize, his plunder, and his pirating licensing, and exiled from the home of all pirates, Blood Island. When he reveals to his crew that he gave Polly away, they abandon him. The Pirate Captain tries to make a living knitting and selling baby clothes in London before deciding to rescue Polly. However, he discovers that she is not in at the petting zoo. He re-encounters a now-devastated Darwin, who has learned that the Queen is part of a secret dining society with several other world leaders who are now aboard her steamship, the QV1, waiting to eat Polly and several other endangered animals. Polly is the main course at their next banquet. The Pirate Captain and Charles steal an airship and locate the QV1, while Mr. Bobo goes to look for the crew. Aboard the QV1, the Pirate Captain and Darwin disrupt the meal, and are soon joined by the rest of the Captain’s crew, having been informed by Mr. Bobo of his need. The Queen locates them and after justifying her reasons behind her hatred of pirates, attempts to kill both of them, but together they best her. In the battle, they accidentally mix the ship’s store of baking powder with vinegar, causing a violent reaction that rends the ship in two. Queen Victoria attempts to flee with Polly in the airship, but Polly fights back, causing Queen Victoria to drop her. The Pirate Captain catches her and the pirate’s escape. With his reputation among pirates restored because of the large bounty now on his head, the Pirate Captain and his crew continue to explore the high seas in search of adventure. They leave Darwin on the Galapagos Islands, where he finally finds a girlfriend. The Pirate Captain becomes the most wanted and dangerous pirate in the world. As a result, he is reinstated as a pirate and his exile on Blood Island is lifted. He continues adventuring with his crew, now accompanied by Mr. Bobo. Queen Victoria becomes in danger of being eaten by the animals that she captured.

Last Updated: August 20, 2025 at 13:04