Tour de Pharmacy

On day one, JuJu Peppi accidentally causes a massive pileup after attempting to grope a bikini-clad spectator, igniting a brawl among the cyclists. The crash halts the Tour de France and the race is postponed for authorities to regain control. The incident sets a chaotic tone for the rest of the day.

Police uncover narcotics use by cyclists and reveal that UCI president Ditmer Klerken accepted bribes from many riders to forego drug testing. The revelation casts suspicion on the entire race and triggers intense media scrutiny. The governing body faces pressure to decide how to proceed.

The UCI declares that only five riders may continue: Peppi, Marty Hass, Adrian Baton who is actually a woman, Slim Robinson, and Gustav Ditters. The others are kept under suspicion or sidelined, shaping a sharply limited competition. The decision creates a fragile and controversial path forward for the Tour.

Before the restart, the five agree to take turns at the front to allow others to draft and conserve energy. When the race resumes, none of them is eager to push the pace, turning the stage into a slow, energy conserving effort. The tactic unsettled expectations about the finish.

As the day progresses, Slim Robinson deserts the race with a female spectator to become the first black French dairy farmer. His departure shows that personal ambition can override competitive goals during the Tour. The crowd reacts with mixed emotions as the field thins.

Ditters is taunted by a spectator for not being able to go fast, highlighting public scrutiny of his doping allegations. The taunting underscores the pressure on a rider under investigation. The moment adds tension to the ongoing race.

Ten days later, the race resumes with Ditters sprinting to the front, shocking observers. The pause allows investigators to press their case and riders to adjust strategies. The competition resumes with a dramatic shift in momentum.

Police raid Ditters apartment and find cheetah blood doping, leading to his disqualification from the Tour. The incident reinforces the anti-doping crackdown and changes the race dynamic. The rider is removed from contention and the field recalibrates.

During the resumed competition, Peppi overexerts himself and dies, his heart exploding as he falls off a cliff. The death underscores the extreme toll of the Tour on its riders. The event removes a top contender from the field.

Hass and Baton grow attracted to each other and pause the race to have sex in the woods. Baton is revealed to be Adrianna Baton, a woman living as a man to compete, complicating their partnership and turning them into controversial icons.

Resuming the race, Hass and Baton braid their strategies by tying their bicycles together so they can finish as co winners. The move challenges traditional competition and emphasizes solidarity over outright victory.

On the final day, BBC reporter Rex Honeycut, who has ridden with the competitors all race, learns that he is eligible to win and makes a bid to seize the Tour glory. His bid adds a meta layer about media involvement in the race.

Baton detaches from Hass and leaps at Honeycut, knocking him to the ground. Honeycut is killed and Batons true identity is exposed, leading to a 35 year sentence for manslaughter.

Robinson rushes to the front and wins the Tour by 73 feet, becoming the first African American to win the Tour and fulfilling his dream to honor his uncle's legacy in sports.

Present day interviews are conducted with Hass, Baton, Robinson, and Ditters, along with observers including Lance Armstrong who remains anonymous. The chats reflect on the Tour's legacy, doping debates, and the characters who defined the race.