The Ice Pirates

In a far-flung galaxy, where water has become an extremely precious resource, a fearless crew of space pirates embarks on a daring mission to seize ice from an Imperial cruiser. The pirate leader, Jason (Robert Urich), unexpectedly discovers Princess Karina of Argon (Mary Crosby), who lies unconscious in a deep state of induced slumber. After a fierce encounter with the Templars’ royal guard, Jason decides to kidnap the princess, while the Imperial cruiser relentlessly follows in pursuit. At that moment, he commands two of his crew members, Zeno (Ron Perlman) and Maida (Anjelica Huston), to escape in pods just before their pirate ship is captured by Imperial forces.

The Templars, led by Zorn (Jeremy West), imprison Jason along with his brilliant robotics expert, Roscoe (Michael D. Roberts). As they are transported to Mithra, the last source of water in the galaxy, the men learn of their grim fate: being “redesigned,” which really means being castrated and sold as slaves. Here they meet Killjoy (John Matuszak), a cunning thief who informs them that members of the clergy are spared due to the Templars’ fear of God.

Upon reaching Mithra, Jason uncovers a startling revelation — Princess Karina is actually the daughter of Count Vasco, an explorer lost while seeking the potentially legendary Seventh World. Shortly after, Killjoy, disguised as a monk, manages to escape, while Jason, Roscoe, and the rest of the prisoners find themselves stripped and prepped for their terrifying fate. In a twist of fate, Princess Karina intervenes at the last moment, preventing their castration, and outfits them as exotic entertainers for a party, where they mistakenly encounter Killjoy, who is now disguised as a robot.

Eventually, Karina implores Jason to assist her in escaping to the pirate moon Zagora, where she has urgent matters to attend to. The four manage to flee the revelry on a motorcycle, all while being chased by the Templars. They commandeer a warship, where Karina is joyfully reunited with her Nanny (Natalie Core). Soon after, Karina tasks Jason with arranging a meeting with a rebel named Lanky Nibs ([Robert Symonds]), but Jason hesitates at her suggestion to use the ship’s water as payment, prompting her to prove her determination.

On Mithra, Zorn reveals to the Supreme Commander (John Carradine) that Karina and the pirates are aboard the warship, just as he had intended. On the ship, a small creature hatches from a dehydrated egg and bites both Jason and Roscoe; they learn that it’s referred to as a space herpe. When they arrive on Zagora, Jason and Karina reunite with Zeno and Maida, and discover Lanky Nibs is hiding in Sweetwater, located fifty miles from town.

Jason and Karina enlist the help of Frog Lady ([Marcia Lewis]), who reluctantly agrees to drive them to Sweetwater. Upon meeting Lanky, Jason is taken aback by how he has aged. Lanky reveals that he experienced a significant time warp which made him age twenty years in an instant. He informs Karina that her father discovered the Seventh World but was ambushed by the Templars, who killed his crew. Tragically, during a bounty hunter attack that destroys Frog Lady’s cruiser, Lanky is mortally wounded and implores Jason to continue the search for the elusive Seventh World.

Determined, Jason and his crew set course for the Tri System, where they encounter more extraordinary challenges, including being taken captive by woman warriors riding unicorns and their confrontation with Wendon (Bruce Vilanch), a villain with only his head intact and a robotic body. With Roscoe’s help, the pirates pressure Wendon into divulging the location of Count Vasco. However, their excitement quickly turns to despair when they discover that the figure who appears to be Vasco is actually just a robot. The true danger lies in a hologram created by Vasco, warning that any deviation from the course to the Seventh World could leave their ship trapped in a time warp for eternity.

During their perilous journey, Jason and Karina’s relationship deepens, culminating in a moment of passion. However, the sudden appearance of a Templar battleship disrupts their plans, capturing their ship and hastening a battle between the robotic forces. As time accelerates, Princess Karina discovers she is pregnant, and in a short span, she gives birth to a baby boy named Jason. The crew quickly ages under the constraints of time, while battling the seemingly endless supply of Templar robots.

Just as despair settles in, their son, now grown, arrives to turn the tide against their enemies. With the warship finally escaping the time warp, they celebrate their surreal victory while discovering that the coveted Seventh World is, in fact, Earth, a planet with an abundance of water. Despite their triumph, the pirates realize they now face the challenge of finding a means to thrive in this newfound world.

Last Updated: November 02, 2024 at 12:02