As the cherished memories of their idyllic childhood persist, Darren Silverman—along with his steadfast friends Wayne LeFessier and J.D. McNugent—find a shared passion in their unwavering admiration for the music of Neil Diamond. United by their musical pursuits, the trio forms Diamonds in the Rough, an eponymous tribute band that resonates with authenticity and passion.
However, a chance encounter at a local bar following a particularly lively performance shatters the normalcy of Darren's life. It is here that he meets Judith Fessbeggler, a compelling yet intimidating psychologist whose overwhelming presence and manipulative tendencies signal a complex emotional landscape. As their turbulent relationship unfolds over a span of six weeks, Darren is eager to deepen their connection, yet is met with Judith's stern refusal to entertain any thoughts of intimacy, insisting on strict adherence to marital fidelity.
As Judith's dominance over Darren intensifies, she skillfully isolates him from his lifelong friends and suppresses his musical aspirations, subjecting him to humiliating medical procedures. Disturbed by the drastic changes in their friend's demeanor, Wayne and J.D., alarmed at Darren's plight, come together to execute a series of inventive—if desperate—plans to free him from Judith's stifling embrace.
In the midst of this urgency, the friends acknowledge a need to reunite Darren with his "one true love," Sandy Perkus, who stands on the brink of becoming a nun in Seattle. When Darren and Judith announce their engagement, Wayne and J.D. seize this opportunity to orchestrate a daring rescue. Alas, their operation falters when Sandy uncovers the true identity of her would-be rescuers, leaving the plan in disarray.
In a moment of desperation, they consult Coach Norton, an inmate currently serving time for the untimely death of a referee—a consequence of his reckless behavior with a football signal pole. The coach’s suggestions veer into treacherous territory, advocating for an extreme solution: the utter removal of Judith. Although initially tempted by this radical approach, Wayne and J.D. ultimately choose to explore alternative, less violent methods.
As tensions rise, the simmering affections between Sandy and Darren begin to resurface, yet Darren's fixation on his impending marriage casts a pall over their potential reunion. Disheartened, Sandy retreats to her convent, prompting Darren to finally shake off his stupor and embark on a 30-mile journey to reclaim her heart.
Meanwhile, Judith finds herself precariously tethered to an engine block in Wayne's garage, which inadvertently leads to J.D.'s long-overdue acknowledgment of his own sexual orientation. In a turn of events, as J.D. loses consciousness, Judith seizes the chance to escape, only to be subdued by Wayne with a tranquilizer and dragged back into captivity.
In her next bid for freedom, Judith manages to ensnare Wayne into loosening her bonds, which allows her to attempt a daring escape from the garage. Though she evades capture long enough to confront Darren on the eve of his wedding, her interference ultimately drives Sandy further away, deepening her despair.
As the absurdity escalates, Darren resorts to having Wayne and J.D. taken into custody, only for them to stage a thrilling escape with Coach Norton’s unique assistance. With time running out, they make their way to the convent as Sandy prepares to commit herself entirely.
Convinced that Darren's heart still beats for Sandy, Wayne and J.D. devise a bold plan that involves kidnapping none other than the iconic Neil Diamond himself. Their audacious scheme works, and the heartfelt reunion between Darren and Sandy is set to the tune of Neil's legendary melodies.
Amid the dramatic unfolding at the altar, Neil Diamond captivates the audience with his unforgettable hit "Hello Again," underscoring the rekindling of Darren and Sandy's love. In a twist of fate, Wayne finds himself locked in a spirited brawl with a furious Judith, while J.D. makes a surprise entrance, cradling Coach Norton, who reveals he shares the same affection for men as J.D.
As the evening reaches a jubilant crescendo, the couples decide to join in matrimony on stage, celebrated by the exuberant crowd at Neil Diamond's concert. Darren and Sandy exchange their vows amidst an air of love and acceptance, followed closely by Wayne and Judith, with J.D. and Coach completing this delightful quartet of newlyweds. The scene is laced with joy, revelry, and the unmistakable charm that only Neil Diamond's music can bring.
