Grand Theft Parsons

In this intriguing fact-based narrative, we delve into the life and death of legendary musician Gram Parsons. The story opens with a radio announcer praising Gram’s music as one of his songs plays during the credits, set against a blank screen. Soon, we find ourselves at the Joshua Tree Inn, where a young woman in a revealing nightie is desperately trying to wake up Gram, only to discover that he has sadly passed away. She promptly contacts his road manager, Phil Kaufman, delivering the devastating news.

As the world learns about Gram’s death through the television reports, it hits some particularly hard, including a woman named Barbara, who is visibly affected. Meanwhile, we see Phil riding across the desert on his motorcycle, grappling with the gravity of the situation. Later, Barbara confronts Phil, demanding belongings that belonged to Gram, especially his cherished guitar. Phil refuses, stating that she can’t take them as she was merely his girlfriend, not his legal spouse. However, Barbara presents a handwritten will that claims otherwise, stating Gram wished for her to inherit everything. Unconvinced, Phil stands firm in his decision, while their companion Susie becomes increasingly frustrated and leaves in a huff, leaving Phil alone with his bike.

Barbara confronts obstacles at the hospital when she attempts to claim Gram’s body, forcefully reminded by a nurse that she is not recognized as family. She later approaches a bank manager about accessing Gram’s money, who tells her that the will lacks legal validity without a death certificate. In an effort to secure Gram’s remains, Phil sneaks into the morgue to identify Gram’s body but, unfortunately, is unable to take it with him.

After contacting the undertaker responsible for Gram’s remains, Phil learns that the body is set to be sent to Los Angeles Airport. Faced with the formidable task of claiming the body, he must rent a hearse. Enter Larry, who is found nearly naked and meditating, discontent when Phil arrives. In a humorous twist, Phil shares a far-fetched story of why he urgently needs a hearse, which leads to negotiations and Larry eventually relenting, presenting Phil with his colorful ‘68 Cadillac, named “Bernice”.

As they venture to the airport, Barbara continues her attempts to secure a death certificate but faces numerous challenges. Phil and Larry arrive only to find the area holding Gram’s body is locked. Patience is required as Phil convinces Larry to wait while he investigates. The tension amplifies when Stanley Parsons, Gram’s father, arrives to claim his son’s body, unaware of the complications that await.

In a series of comical and chaotic events, Phil attempts to navigate the bureaucratic hurdles posed by the airport staff while Larry’s antics draw unwanted attention from law enforcement. Larry’s behavior leads him into trouble with a cop, but Phil’s military service allows them a temporary escape from being detained. The comedy escalates when Larry nearly wrecks the hearse as they drive away, barely avoiding further legal issues.

The road trip continues through the desert, where Phil makes a call home, stirring more conflict through Barbara’s growing frustration at being denied her claim to Gram. As fate would have it, a dinner stop at a dinosaur-themed diner reveals coincidences of fate, leading to unexpected encounters and near confrontations between the characters. In a climactic series of events, as Phil lights Gram’s coffin on fire under the stars, Barbara makes a last-ditch effort to reclaim her connection to Gram, facing her own set of obstacles in her pursuit.

In the end, as dawn breaks, the hearse holds a surreal moment where Phil awakens to find himself in conversation with Gram, who seems pleased with the events that unfolded. “After all,” Gram quips, “it can’t hurt me now.” The narrative wraps up with the realization that Phil and Larry, despite the chaos, will ultimately face minimal consequences for their audacious actions, leading to a sense of unexpected closure and camaraderie in their quest surrounding the legacy of Gram Parsons.

Last Updated: May 21, 2025 at 07:30