Vampires Suck (2010) Timeline Explained – Every Event in Order

Becca moves to Sporks to live with her father Sheriff Frank after her mother begins an affair with famous golfer Tiger Woods. This dramatic family upheaval forces Becca to leave her old life behind and adjust to a new town where the comedic murder mystery involving vampires unfolds.

• becca crane
• sheriff frank
• move
• tiger woods affair

Edward uses his supernatural vampire speed to save Becca, but instead of simply pulling her out of the way, he pushes another student into the van's path as a decoy. This absurd overreaction is played for comedy, highlighting his panicked inability to act normally around Becca and his disregard for other humans while focused on protecting her.

• edward
• save becca
• vampire powers
• parking lot

Edward breaks up with Becca after a dramatic encounter with other vampires reveals the inherent danger he poses to her. Recognizing that his vampire nature puts her life at risk, he makes the painful decision to distance himself from her to protect her, even though it leaves both of them devastated.

• edward
• breakup
• danger
• protect becca
• vampire

Edward's prophetic sister tells him that Becca is contemplating suicide, which prompts his desperate decision to reveal himself at prom. This information, while likely exaggerated or misinterpreted through the film's absurdist lens, triggers his extreme plan to provoke the Zolturi into killing him.

• edward sister
• prophecy
• suicide
• zolturi

Edward decides to reveal himself at prom to provoke the powerful vampire coven known as the Zolturi into killing him. Brokenhearted and desperate after learning Becca might be in danger, he chooses this public moment to defy his own existence, believing it will end his suffering.

• prom
• zolturi
• reveal
• sacrifice
• edward

As Edward prepares to expose himself, twilight creates a magical moment that allows Becca to reach him in time and prevent the Zolturi from killing him. The symbolic twilight serves as both literal cover and romantic metaphor, stopping the deadly confrontation and giving Becca the chance to intervene before tragedy occurs.

Foreshadowing: The film's title and Edward's vampire nature hint at twilight being his vulnerability and ultimate salvation.

• twilight
• zolturi
• save
• prom
• becca

Jacob White, Becca's childhood friend, taps into werewolf abilities to rescue her during a confrontation with nomadic vampires. This is a direct parody of the Twilight franchise's Jacob Black character, who transforms into a werewolf. His werewolf powers serve as the romantic rival's signature ability in this comedic take.

• jacob
• werewolf
• rescue
• vampire attack

In the climactic moment, Edward must choose between transforming Becca into a vampire or facing death. He proposes marriage before granting her immortality as a romantic gesture, combining the proposal with the gift of eternal life in a farcical twist on the original Twilight climax.

• proposal
• marriage
• vampire transformation
• immortality

The town of Sporks blame Canadians for the bizarre murders when the actual culprits are vampires. This comedic stereotype plays into the film's broader joke about Canadians being an easy scapegoat, culminating in the absurd scene where a fisherman mistakes the vampires for the Black Eyed Peas.

• canadians
• murders
• vampires
• mistaken identity

After breaking up with Becca, Edward moves to Rio de Janeiro and enters a relationship with Lady Gaga as a way to cope with his heartbreak. This absurd celebrity cameo plays into the film's parody of dramatic vampire romance while mocking the outlandish post-breakup behavior trope.

• edward
• lady gaga
• rio
• breakup

The film ends with Edward being struck by an overzealous Jacob fan-girl who screams "Team Jacob, b***h!" While the blow leaves him dazed, the moment is played for slapstick comedy. Becca, now transformed into a vampire, turns the tables on the situation, signaling their new chapter together as vampire couple.

• team jacob
• ending
• fan
• hit
• comedy