Noah Griffith is an unemployed and suspended college student who finds himself caught in a monotonous existence living with his divorced mother in New Jersey. His unremarkable routine gets turned upside down when he heads back from a visit to his casual hookup Marisa, only to find that his mother’s plans for a night out with her friends, the Pedullas, have been thwarted due to a last-minute babysitter cancellation. In a moment of reluctant duty, Noah steps in to babysit the Pedulla children, who have their own unique challenges.
Arriving at the Pedulla residence, Noah meets Slater, the anxious older son, Blithe, the enthusiastic pop culture fanatic and makeup lover, and Rodrigo, an adopted young pyromaniac from El Salvador with a knack for mischief. As the parents leave, chaos ensues when Rodrigo engages in destructive antics, causing havoc and leaving broken vases in his wake.
Just as things escalate, Marisa contacts Noah with a tantalizing offer: if he brings cocaine to her party, she’ll reward him with intimacy. Noah, enticed, agrees, and, with the children in tow, embarks on a wild mission to obtain the drugs from Marisa's associate Karl Fairhurst alongside his assistant Julio Murphy. In a particularly reckless moment, Rodrigo swipes a baby dinosaur egg filled with cocaine from Karl’s home, leading to a whirlwind of chaos as Noah tries to retrieve it.
As Noah juggles this precarious situation, he receives a dire call from Karl, threatening his life if he doesn't return the stolen egg or settle his debt. Seeking an escape from this tumultuous scenario, Slater turns to Noah for help, pleading for a ride to the gathering where their parents are. Upon seeing his mother enjoying the festivities, Noah takes the plunge to bring the children along, much to Slater's disapproval.
In a twist of fate, Slater reveals he has been receiving messages from two twins inviting him to Wendy Sapperstein's bat mitzvah, a celebratory event at the Grand Prospect Hall. Seized by inspiration, Noah crafts a scheme to snatch the cash Wendy is expected to receive as part of her coming-of-age tradition. Thus, this oddball group embarks on a series of misadventures that ultimately lead to unforeseen transformations in their lives.
As the night at the bat mitzvah unfolds, twin siblings embark on separate escapades: one gets caught up in merriment with Slater, scoring a modest $3,000, while the other aims to settle the score with Noah. Meanwhile, Rodrigo makes the unfortunate choice to urinate on the floor, prompting an urgent getaway by our would-be thief. It also surfaces that Tina, a former classmate of Noah’s, has stolen her family's heirloom car as payback for Noah’s past indiscretions at a party where his drunken antics led to mishaps involving her grandmother’s ashes.
Noah's complications multiply as he grapples with his obligation to Karl, who insists on full payment. In a desperate move, Noah agrees to meet Karl at Marisa’s gathering with the remaining $7,000. However, when Noah’s father declines to help, chastising him for his failures, Noah defiantly snatches the car keys and heads to his family-owned jewelry store to steal enough valuables to pay off Karl. Unfortunately, Rodrigo’s unexpected meddling with a cherry bomb leads to a series of catastrophes that destroy the store in a matter of moments.
As chaos reigns, Slater finds himself in dire need of medical assistance. Noah's initial hesitance to help his friend dissipates when Slater opens up about the pills in his fanny pack, which have been shielding his true self. Understanding the gravity of Slater’s struggles, Noah encourages him to embrace his identity, affirming that there is absolutely nothing wrong with being gay.
As Noah and his motley crew converge on the club where their stolen minivan has been spotted, the tension amplifies as they confront the culprit. Noah accuses Tina of wrongdoing, but his accusations ignite pure chaos as she retaliates with a punch that floors him. With emotions reaching a peak, the group's endeavor to collect the money owed to Karl goes awry when Noah is intercepted by authorities, forcing him to relinquish the ill-gotten cash.
With stakes at an all-time high, Karl’s gang goes after Noah and the kids with ruthless intent. Yet, Noah showcases his skills in evasion, managing to outwit his pursuers in a heart-racing car chase that concludes with a spectacular crash thanks to Rodrigo’s cherry bomb. Cornered, Karl confronts Noah with a gun, only to be distracted by Blithe, who rallies Tina’s crew to deliver a hefty beating, granting Noah and the children their chance to escape.
As the dust begins to settle, Noah sees Marisa home and their time together comes to an end, marking a significant chapter in his life. With the children safely returned to their parents, Noah is rewarded with a tidy paycheck for his unexpected babysitting duties, along with front-row coverage of the night’s escapades on the news. As the credits roll, we witness the growth and evolution of each character: Slater pursues a career in entertainment, Blithe transitions her passion from pop culture to perfumery, Rodrigo abandons his pyromania, Karl recuperates from the beating he took, and Julio unfortunately succumbs to fatal burns from the chaos.
