Carry On Up the Khyber

In Kalabar, Private Widdle is discovered wearing underpants after an encounter with Bungdit Din's Burpa tribe. The Khasi of Kalabar seizes on the incident to undermine the British and puncture their 'tough' image. He plans to use the evidence to spark a rebellion and topple the governor without a full-scale fight.

Britain mounts a diplomatic operation to publicly prove the incident was merely an aberration. The effort fails to yield convincing proof, allowing the rebellion plot to linger. The lack of a clear public verdict keeps tensions high between the British and Kalabar leadership.

The Governor's wife photographs the inspection where many soldiers are revealed to be wearing underpants. She hopes to use the image as leverage, but also insists that the Khasi sleep with her before she parts with the photograph. The photo becomes a potential weapon to deter or provoke further action.

Having the photo, the Khasi would mount an invasion, but he delays due to the Governor's wife's unattractiveness. Eventually he escorts her away to Bungdit Din's palace, dragging the plan into the heart of the palace intrigue. The photograph remains the key, even as personal entanglements complicate matters.

Disguised as Afghan generals, the British and their allies are ushered into Bungdit Din's palace. They are introduced to Bungdit Din's sultry concubines, blurring lines between espionage and seduction. The ruse buys time but raises the stakes inside the palace.

Amid a farcical orgy, the disguises are finally seen through and the group is imprisoned with a sunset execution looming. Princess Jelhi aids their escape by disguising them as dancing girls, turning the tables on their captors. The escape plan hinges on quick, comic misdirection.

During the entertainments, the disguises are glimpsed and the British and the Princess rush to flee. The pursuit spills into the palace grounds as the fragility of their ruse becomes clear. They escape by weaving through the chaos of the harem's revelry.

Lady Ruff-Diamond drops the photograph on leaving the palace, scattering the crucial evidence. The group races back toward the Khyber Pass to warn their allies and salvage the situation. The act of dropping the photo marks a turning point in the unfolding crisis.

Back at the Khyber Pass, the guards have been massacred and weapons comically mutilated, a rare moment of poignancy amid the chaos. The invasion advances with unexpected ferocity, testing the British and their allies. The mood shifts from farce to the grim realities of war.

All attempts to hold off the Afghan invaders fail miserably, forcing a hasty retreat to the Residency. The defenders are overwhelmed as the siege tightens around their last bastion. The retreat crystallizes the collapse of the initial British posture.

Sir Sidney holds a crisis meeting while the invasion rages outside, entertaining his fifty-one wives in constant anticipation of conflict. He resolves to 'do nothing'—a plan that proves disastrously ill-timed as the siege intensifies. The scene blends political indecision with domestic distraction.

A prolonged black-tie dinner unfolds as shells shake the building and plaster rains down into the soup. The fakir's severed talking head is served as a bizarre centerpiece, underscoring the absurdity beneath the carnage. The guests maintain their composure, as if nothing monumental is happening outside.

Captain Keene suggests a final gambit, and Sir Sidney orders the Regiment to form a line and lift their kilts. The revelation of the underwear under the kilts sends the Afghan army into a panic and they retreat in disarray. The sight restores a faint sense of British resolve amid the farce.

The men return indoors and resume dinner as the battle rages outside. Brother Belcher finally panics earlier but is calmed by the stubborn cheer of his comrades. The Union flag proclaims 'I'm Backing Britain,' and the villagers quip that the British must be 'raving mad' to celebrate amid ruin.