Two nameless, booze-obsessed proprietors run Dreamytime Escorts, an offbeat agency that mostly ends up entangling unsuspecting foreigners in nights of heavy drinking at their own expense. One is devious, low-minded, calculating and stupid, while the other is merely very stupid, and together they stumble from one sloppy scheme to the next. Their homegrown operation is less about legitimate escort work and more about hijacking calls and forcing people into inebriated escapades, all fueled by a shared obsession with alcohol. When their doorstep routine collides with danger, the pair become entangled with a menacing neighbor and notorious criminal players who inhabit a darker, more chaotic side of their city.
Their next-door neighbor is Mr. Jolly, a psychopathic contract killer who dispatches victims with a brutal cleaver while blaring classic Tom Jones tunes to drown out their cries. adjacent to this闃, Heimi Henderson, who owns the off-licence downstairs, refuses to bow to protection money demanded by Mr. Lovebucket, an effete gangster obsessed with his Citroën DS and the power it represents. Peter Cook plays Mr. Jolly, a figure who embodies the threat looming over the duo’s reckless misadventures, while Thomas Wheatley brings Heimi Henderson to life as the stubborn owner who stands firm against the criminal pressure.
In a twist of misfortune, the schemers intercept a request intended for Mr. Jolly to “take out” the radio presenter and game show host Nicholas Parsons — who appears as himself. Parsons is due to open Henderson’s off-licence, a moment Lovebucket hopes to sabotage. Mistaking their role for that of competition winners, the two spend an evening with Parsons, who ends up staying with them under the mistaken belief that they’re legitimate winners — a misunderstanding rooted in a past accident where the real winners were knocked off the road by the Dreamytime Escorts’ van.
When Lovebucket shows up the next day, he confronts the pair about their handling of the contract money and insists that they complete the assignment. The duo returns to Parsons’s home, guns, chainsaw and grenades in tow, but they fail to kill him as Parsons departs by helicopter to the off-licence. A chaotic chase follows as Lovebucket’s gang pursues them, culminating in a crash into a nearby skip. Parsons reaches Henderson’s off-licence but, unable to locate Henderson, goes upstairs where he encounters Mr. Jolly and is presumably killed.
Back at their office, the two try to pack for a move to Rio, only to discover Jolly’s office and glimpse him speaking with Lovebucket. Some gang members later enter their office to find it empty—having witnessed the pair escape through a window into the off-licence, where Henderson warns them that Parsons is about to open the shop. The tension peaks when Henderson overhears the two conspirators talking about killing Parsons, prompting Mayall’s character to shoot Henderson, but he then deceives Edmondson into thinking he’s the one who pulled the trigger. Edmondson, seeking relief, reaches for a bottle of explosive tonic water instead, triggering a blast that rocks the off-licence.
As the credits roll, it’s revealed that the two survived the sequence of events and are seen strolling along a canal. In a final, comic bit of mischief, Mayall’s character shoves Edmondson into the water, and Edmondson begins to swim after him while the pair continues another uncertain, chaotic day in their peculiar world.
