It Couldn’t Happen Here

In the early morning on Clacton-on-Sea, dancers warm up on the beach while Neil Tennant rides a bicycle along the shore. He stops at a kiosk to buy postcards from the shopkeeper, who complains about the faults of the modern world. Neil ignores him and sits down to write the postcards.

Chris Lowe is at a bed and breakfast, abruptly emptying the contents of his room into a bottomless trunk and waiting for breakfast. In the breakfast room, Uncle Dredge bombs the guests with repetitive jokes, while the landlady disapproves of everyone except Chris. When the oversized Full English arrives, Chris dumps it over the landlady's head and bolts into the street, starting a chase along the promenade with bikers.

On the pier, the adult Neil encounters an exotically dressed fortune teller who is revealed as Chris Lowe when she uncovers her face. The young Pet Shop Boys watch a Mutoscope scene of a squire and butler pursuing a French maid, filmed at the West Cliff Theatre. A priest pursues the boys as they move through arcades and into a theatre where nuns perform a risqué dance to 'It’s a Sin' as dusk falls; outside, 12 fishermen haul a huge cross from the sea onto their ship.

The adult Neil and Chris pass three rappers performing 'West End Girls' and head to a car dealership to buy a classic car. The salesman delivers his full sales spiel, which they interrupt, paying cash and driving off with Chris at the wheel. On the road the radio reports a hitchhiker killer who has murdered three people, heightening the sense of danger. They pick up a hitchhiker who seems female at first, but an elderly man with knives enters instead, humoring them with strange anecdotes before asking to be let out.

At a transport cafe, Love Comes Quickly plays on the jukebox as they settle next to a traveller and order an inappropriate gourmet meal. A ventriloquist's dummy emerges from the traveler's case and philosophizes about the nature of time, prompting Neil to put on Rent to lift the mood. The cafe's wall then rises to reveal a troupe of dancers, turning the place into a surreal stage.

The pilot in the adjacent setting is seen reading The Structure of Time, concluding that the dummy is an existentialist. He boards his plane with a determination to end the absurdity, setting the next surreal confrontation in motion.

Neil and Chris are driving along a country lane when the pilot launches an attack. The car is peppered with bullets, but the Pet Shop Boys remain unharmed, continuing their surreal journey as 'Two Divided by Zero' plays in the background.

They stop at a vandalised telephone box, where a group of youths politely opens the door for them before they can be harmed. They call Barbara Windsor's character and exchange lines to 'What Have I Done to Deserve This?', ending with Neil pressing his head against the broken glass as blood appears.

In a suburban street, a commuter leaves home while a scantily clad woman watches from upstairs, yet he is aflame and unaware. At the railway station, a zebra is led by two zebra-faced men into a goods van, and Neil and Chris are bundled into another van where a giant snake coils around them.

At Paddington station, soldiers stand guard and a limousine awaits Neil and Chris. They ride through a tunnel as the chauffeur quotes Milton's Paradise Lost, then are driven through a battlefield toward a nightclub, amid exploding bombs and heightened drama.

They arrive at a nightclub where Neil and Chris perform 'One More Chance' to a crowd of dancers, each wearing a number on their back. When the song ends, the duo ascend the stairs to exit, and their own backs reveal the numbers 0, completing the surreal visual motif.