I’m Dancing as Fast as I Can

In the bustling, pressure‑cooked world of documentary filmmaking, Barbara Gordon has built a reputation for tackling hard‑won subjects while keeping a flawless public façade. Her days are regimented—two appointments before dawn, two in the afternoon, two after dinner—mirroring the relentless rhythm of the industry that both fuels her ambition and amplifies the cracks in her composure. Surrounded by a predominantly male crew and a demanding schedule, she projects confidence even as a quiet anxiety curls beneath the surface.

When Barbara takes on a new film about a couple confronting terminal illness, the story centers on Jean Scott Martin and her husband Ben Martin. Their intimate battle with cancer provides a potent emotional core, and Barbara is determined to capture a hopeful resolution that transcends the harshness of their reality. The project becomes a crucible for her artistic ideals, pitting her desire for a lyrical, uplifting conclusion against the raw, unvarnished truth the Martins live each day.

Behind the camera, Barbara leans on a steady supply of Valium to smooth the edges of her high‑strung temperament, a habit that quietly informs every interaction—particularly with her live‑in partner Derek Bauer. Their relationship, while seemingly supportive, is laced with unspoken expectations and a fragile balance that threatens to tip under the weight of her dependency. The daily ritual of medication intertwines with her creative process, turning each step forward into a negotiation between art, health, and intimacy.

The film’s atmosphere is one of quiet tension and fragile optimism, a study in how personal demons intersect with the responsibility of telling another’s story. As Barbara navigates the delicate dance between her own need for control and the uncontrollable forces surrounding her subjects, the audience is invited to feel the pulse of a world where every moment is measured against an invisible clock, and every choice carries the weight of both salvation and surrender.

Last Updated: December 04, 2025 at 16:22