In Newark, New Jersey, the lives of two underdogs cross paths in a comedic tale of ambition and mafia hardship. Here, we meet Harry Valentini (Danny DeVito), an Italian American with aspirations bigger than his current predicament, alongside his Jewish friend and neighbor, Moe Dickstein (Joe Piscopo). They find themselves stuck at the very bottom of the totem pole within the gang run by the formidable Newark Mafia boss, Anthony Castelo (Dan Hedaya). Tasked with menial chores—like picking up dry cleaning, caring for Castelo's goldfish, and even testing bullet-proof jackets—Harry and Moe dream of one day opening a unique Jewish-Italian delicatessen. However, their lofty ambitions are often met with derision and scorn from both their boss and the rest of the gang members.
Their lives take a twist when they accompany Frank "The Fixer" Acavano (Lou Albano), one of Castelo's right-hand men, to the Meadowlands Racetrack for a betting mission. Tension escalates as Harry persuades Moe to alter their bet—a gamble that spirals into chaos when they end up in debt to Castelo. This debt, numerous thousands, precedes a night marked by brutal torture; Harry is tossed into a lobster tank while Moe finds himself dangled perilously above a pack of snarling dogs. Both men, backed into a corner, agree to kill one another—a pact wrapped in suspense and desperation.
After a foreboding warning from Harry's cousin Marco (Ray Sharkey), who has already met a grim fate, the duo embarks on a reckless journey, stealing Acavano's Cadillac and heading to Atlantic City to seek assistance from Harry's estranged uncle, Mike. However, upon arrival, they discover that Uncle Mike is nothing but ashes, leaving them further disillusioned. With a fraction of help from Grandma Valentini, Harry secures a loan to settle their dues.
Desperation mount as Harry attempts to mend fences with Castelo via his long-time associate Bobby DiLea (Harvey Keitel). However, when tensions flare and some double-crossing occurs, a chase ensues within the confines of a hotel casino. Just when it seems they might evade their grim fate, an accidental shot fired by Moe results in Harry being declared dead, forcing Moe to flee.
Moe's despair is palpable as he attends Harry's funeral, where an unexpected encounter with the menacing Acavano threatens to end his life. In a moment of clarity, he prepares to hang himself, only to find a shocking revelation as Harry appears before him—alive, contrary to what he believed. What was previously a plot to fake their demise is now a twisted toll of unexpected camaraderie.
The duo concocts a wild plan, drafting a fake suicide note, igniting the curtains with gas-filled hilarity, but their great escape turns unexpectedly chaotic when the fire is doused inadvertently, leading both men to encounter Castelo and his crew in a bizarre showdown. The tension leads to an explosion that symbolically marks the catastrophic end of their initial lives of crime.
In their final act of rebellion, Harry and Moe return to Atlantic City, with Moe lamenting over trivial lost riches. Harry reassures him not just about saving the money but also about investing it wisely. The climax of their saga culminates beautifully as both friends achieve their dream, standing proudly in their newly opened Jewish-Italian delicatessen—a testament to their resilience and indomitable spirit.
