The Last Time I Committed Suicide

Neal sits in the hall outside Joan's hospital room, the air thick with unspoken fear. The moment frames the film's letter-narrative, revealing Neal's active, wandering mind even as crisis unfolds. The scene sets the emotional tone for the back-and-forth narrative between before and after the attempt.

A rain-soaked Neal whisks Joan away from her job, and they share an intimate night. The morning after, she sits on the bed, sad, while Neal professes his love and promises a new start. The sequence foreshadows the emotional volatility that threads through the story.

Back in the hospital room, silence stretches between Neal and Joan as the staff prepare to send him away. The scene marks a turning point of separation and consequence, pushing Neal toward the next phase of his life. The event reshapes their relationship and amplifies Neal's inner turmoil.

Ben visits Neal and asks whether he has returned to the hospital; Neal replies no. The visit shows Neal's detachment from the hospital's gravity and foreshadows his escape into manic thoughts. It also reinforces the ongoing role of friendships in his chaotic world.

Neal wakes with energy, sitting with Ben, drinking coffee and eating bread, and speaks in a rapid, manic cadence. He tells Ben about a story he wants to write, revealing a restless, inventive mind that won't stay still. The scene underscores Neal's unstable mental state and his craving to escape through storytelling.

Neal encounters his friend Harry, who proposes a road trip in a stolen car with some girls. They race into the countryside, chasing a reckless high of freedom. The sequence marks Neal's descent into impulsive behavior and sets up further trouble.

Back at his tire plant job, Neal seems obviously high, and Jerry notices the danger and pulls him back from trouble. The intervention prevents a larger fallout and demonstrates the tenuous support network around Neal. It also highlights the fragility of Neal's grip on reality.

Neal makes amends with Joan and decides to settle down with her, signaling a possible stabilization. The development suggests a turning point away from self-destructive patterns. It deepens the emotional stakes of the story as Neal imagines a steadier life.

On the way to a job interview to pick up a suit, Neal runs into drunk Harry, who urges him to join for a beer. Neal gives in to the urge and gets drunk, sliding back toward old patterns. Harry then pressures him to call Mary, reawakening past attachments.

Mary sneaks out of her house, and her mother calls the police. Neal is arrested just as he is about to leave, a fresh crisis erupting amid a tangle of past mistakes. He is allowed a phone call, but he does not know Joan's number, increasing his isolation.

The police hold Neal on suspicion of burglary, and although Mary refuses to testify and the charges are dropped, he remains in custody for two weeks. The experience weighs heavily on him and strains his fragile sense of self. It compounds his feeling that escape is his only option.

Two weeks later Neal is released and goes to Joan's house, only to find it empty. He waits there, realizing she isn't coming back. The moment seals his disconnect from the life he hoped to rebuild.

Neal walks back down the porch, steals a car, and disappears into the night. The act marks his final withdrawal from the life he once pursued, a literal exit from his past. It sets up his ongoing isolation and search for something else.

Neal finishes writing the letter, placing it in an envelope, and, as he walks away, he throws the pages of his novel into the air. The gesture underscores the film's themes of release and fragmentation of a mind in flux. The ending leaves Neal's future unresolved, his story unfinished.