The Ghosts of Berkeley Square

In the 18th Century, Burlap and Kelsoe, officers in Queen Anne's army, hatch a plan to capture Marlborough because they fear slaughter in battle. They build a trapdoor device in their Berkeley Square house to drop Marlborough onto a mattress in the cellar, but during the test the mattress has been removed, killing them. Their deaths also prevent a planned visit by Queen Anne.

Burlap and Kelsoe watch their funeral procession and receive a book of rules from beyond. They are subjected to a court-martial for crimes against the Crown and sentenced to haunt Berkeley Square until a reigning royalty visits. The verdict seeds a life bound to the house as a spectral spectacle.

Lady Mary looks at buying the now-empty house, hoping to claim it for herself. Burlap and Kelsoe decide to scare her away to keep the property haunted and to prevent a royal visit. Their tactic cements the house’s reputation as a haunted residence.

Sixty-six years after their haunting begins, the ghosts adopt a ghostly cat and receive a Christmas present along with a Christmas tree. The gifts soften their grievances and they decide to forgive each other, ending their years of quarrelling.

Fifteen years after their reconciliation, Madam Millie occupies the house and runs a bordello, demanding to see Burlap and Kelsoe. The ghosts materialise to entertain her clients, and Burlap learns to head downstairs to gamble and be entertained by Millie’s girls. The place grows tempestuous as the supernatural presence becomes part of the operation.

Millie charges Burlap and Kelsoe for services and damages; Burlap uses a ghostly Kelsoe to help cheat at cards to pay debts. When the deception is uncovered, a massive fight erupts and Millie and her girls are arrested, the bordello is trashed and closed. The King’s equerry prevents any royal visit from occurring.

Over the next seventy-five years, the house houses various government departments before being bought by T.B. Farnum and reopened as a Haunted house. Burlap and Kelsoe take offence to the fake tours and propose performing their own ghostly show. Dr. Cruickshank of the Psychical Research Society visits to judge whether the ghosts are genuine, and his report brushes Farnum with a hoax label, prompting the Prince Consort to cancel a royal visit.

Years later the Nawab of Bagwash buys the house, hoping to leverage mesmerism to invite the Queen. Burlap and Kelsoe attempt to persuade the Nawab to invite the Queen to visit, but the plan is thwarted when the Nawab’s Harem complicates royal arrangements. The haunting persists as a political spectacle with exotic trappings.

Berkeley Square becomes a soldiers' hospital during the Boer War. Burlap and Kelsoe learn that Captain Dodds is being awarded the Victoria Cross, and they secretly give him Penicillin to help his recovery. Dodds improves enough to visit the Palace, bringing a small triumph to the house's legacy.

During World War I, Berkeley Square becomes an officers' club and Burlap and Kelsoe are accused of faking their ranks and labeled German spies. An air raid bombs the house, leaving the ghosts amid the rubble and adding weight to the living’s fear of the haunting. The tragedy cements the house’s wartime notoriety.

Queen Mary comes to visit the damaged property, granting a final validation of the spirits’ presence. Burlap and Kelsoe are finally allowed to take their place in the afterlife, leaving the living with a legendary haunted house. The house’s history closes a long loop between life, death, and recognition.

At the 1000th Annual dinner of the Old Ghosts Association, Burlap and Kelsoe recount their death and haunting to the general public after the inter-terrestrial hookup of radio and television. The tale elevates them from mere haunting to celebrated relics of spectral lore. The event marks a modern bridge between the living and the dead.