The film unfolds in five parts—Introduction, Birthday in Malaysia, The myth of eastern Europe, Once upon a time in European Union, and Lithuanian wedding—and follows a chaotic, globe-spanning comedy of errors that spins out of a botched heist in London. Johnny, [Gil Darnell], Ben, [Anthony Strachan], and Tim, [Oliver Jackson], are hired by Karl to rob an illegal poker game to steal the ring of the local crime boss known as Golden Pole, [Vinnie Jones]. Karl bluntly states that three men aren’t enough for the job and insists they recruit a fourth, so they abduct their friend Michael, [Scot Williams], who guards Buckingham Palace, and keep him unaware of the plan.
At the poker table, Johnny, Ben, and Tim slip into the game while Michael stays in the van. They grab Golden Pole’s ring and, realizing they may be outmatched, ask Karl if it’s the ring he’s after. During the tense moment, Michael leaves the van to check on his friends and returns only after hearing gunfire. The crew makes off with the money and ring, and the moment is sealed when Golden Pole kills Karl after identifying Michael as involved via surveillance footage.
After the heist, Johnny, Ben, and Tim tell Michael about their plan to use the money to flee to Malaysia. Michael wants nothing to do with them and heads home to celebrate his birthday with his girlfriend. Golden Pole’s crew tracks him down, breaks in, and chases him out of the house. Michael hurries to the airport to confront his friends and reclaim the money, but Tim hits him with a fire extinguisher, sending him onto a flight unconscious. A volcanic eruption in Iceland grounds flights and diverts the plane to Lithuania, setting the stage for a bewildering detour.
Michael wakes up in a hotel in Lithuania with no idea where he is. He tries to return home, only to realize very few speak his language. He discovers the money tucked away inside a toilet cistern back in the hotel. Meanwhile, his friends are at a club, dancing with women; Johnny leaves with a woman, but a man suddenly strikes him with a baseball bat and he falls unconscious. Michael escapes from the hotel and hires a taxi to the airport, but the taxi ride ends in chaos: the driver parks in an alley where Michael is assaulted by another man, the attackers find the money, the taxi driver is shot, and the other man drives off with the cash.
Back at the hotel, Golden Pole and his crew eventually locate Michael in his room. The police question Michael about his friends’ whereabouts, but a second officer—who was the man who attacked Michael in the alley and who now has the money—interrupts the interrogation. After leaving the station, Michael runs, but an ambulance strikes him and he’s knocked out again.
Across town, Johnny wakes up naked and chained to a radiator in an empty apartment. A horny Catholic priest and a hooker discover him, and he escapes, still naked and bound. The woman from the previous night pursues him, and they collide in a dilapidated building, both knocked unconscious after a frantic chase.
Michael later wakes in a hole while two paramedics dump dirt on him. He fights back, forcing one of them to drive him back toward the police station to pursue the corrupt officer. He drags the officer to his house, where he finds Johnny’s driver’s license, only to be knocked out again by an intruder. The assailants drive Michael to a desolate location and open fire, but the scene leaves it unclear who survives.
Meanwhile, Ben and Tim wake up on a countryside farm with a woman in the house wearing Ben’s ring. She claims he gave it to her as a wedding present the night before; he demands it back, but her fiancé shows up and chases them away in a fleeing truck. The vehicle runs dry, and after recognizing tattoos on their bodies, the pair discover a truckload of immigrants in the back who mistake them for Englishmen. They stumble into a local bar seeking help to call a taxi, only to be met with hostility and end up fighting and tumbling through windows.
It’s revealed that the people who killed Michael’s attackers are Golden Pole’s men, who confront Michael. The fiancé later finds Tim and Ben and hangs them upside-down in a barn, while Johnny and his hooker friend are found by their ally and swing back into trouble. They stop at a gas station where Golden Pole spots Johnny and gives chase, culminating in a crash into a tree. Golden Pole’s crew captures Johnny and reveals they’ve also captured Michael. It turns out Golden Pole has the money, but the ring remains with the others.
Ben and Tim, meanwhile, call Golden Pole while they’re held, offering to trade the ring for money to secure their release. They arrange to meet at the wedding the next day. The wedding, presided over by the same priest, becomes the backdrop for a violent showdown as Golden Pole and his crew arrive to demand the ring. The ring, it turns out, is the wedding band Ben had given to his wife the night before. A shootout erupts between the local smugglers and Golden Pole’s men, and John, Ben, Tim, and Michael barely escape. Their escape is interrupted when a Russian tank appears, and a lone soldier from England orders them to cross the border, leaving their ultimate fate uncertain.
