Guns, Girls and Gambling

John Smith is Christian Slater down on his luck: his girlfriend left him for a doctor, and a rough night at an Apache Reservation casino ends with a wallet swipe by a hooker. He also faces defeat in an Elvis impersonation contest and then brushes a worse loss in poker against four fellow impersonators: Gay Elvis, Chris Kattan; Little Person Elvis, Tony Cox; Asian Elvis, Anthony Brandon Wong; and Elvis Elvis, Gary Oldman. The string of bad breaks piles up until casino security suspects he has somehow run off with a priceless Apache mask, sent from the casino’s powerful owner, The Chief, Gordon Tootoosis. Yet the guards quickly realize John didn’t take it, and The Chief offers him a staggering reward—$1,000,000—to locate the missing artefact.

A ruthless hitwoman, The Blonde, who speaks in Poe-tinged cadences, corners Gay Elvis but, despite her lethal skills, the mask remains elusive. John’s case leads him to Elvis Elvis’s address, where he meets Elvis Elvis’s neighbor, Cindy, Megan Park. The search takes a chaotic turn as they’re ambushed by The Cowboy, Jeff Fahey, and his partner Mo, Danny James. In the ensuing scramble, John suggests calling the sheriff, but Cindy reveals a disturbing truth: two local sheriffs—corrupt officials loyal to The Chief and to The Rancher—are not the kind of help they need. The danger grows when they cross paths with The Rancher, Powers Boothe, who explains that he recruited the Elvis impersonators to steal the mask—an artifact that once belonged to him.

A flashback unveils a darker history: thirty years earlier, a man who worked for The Rancher had the mask, and his family was killed by Apaches. The Rancher offers John a renewed shot at the money, but only if he completes the mission. John and Cindy press on and track down Asian Elvis, who demands the mask as the price of their cooperation. The Indian, Eddie Spears, arrives and tomahawks Asian Elvis dead, forcing our duo to flee once more. They race back to Elvis Elvis’s residence, only to encounter Little Person Elvis again, who demands the prize. The Blonde appears and kills Little Person Elvis, allowing John and Cindy to escape—but not for long, because the two sheriffs apprehend them for multiple Elvis murders.

Dragged to the desert, John pieces together Elvis Elvis’s likely hiding place: a remote bus depot known as Station 12. Elvis Elvis is, in fact, the sole passenger on a stranded bus, until The Blonde boards and shoots him. As he lies dying, Elvis Elvis murmurs a critical detail before the satchel containing the mask is taken. The bus driver is murdered after confirming that both The Rancher and The Chief were alerted to the scene.

With the sheriffs in tow, John and Cindy arrive at Station 12, only to find The Blonde’s trap. The Cowboy and Mo crash the scene, The Cowboy kills the sheriffs, and The Indian arrives to finish the job by tomahawking the Cowboy and Mo. The Chief shows up, and the group moves toward the desert station with a briefcase bearing $1,000,000—the money The Rancher believed could buy him back what he once owned.

In a shocking turn, Cindy reveals she is The Rancher’s daughter, and she has been tracking John as part of a larger scheme. The Blonde emerges from Station 12, badly wounded but unbowed, and The Indian makes a final attack only to be killed by her. She commands everyone to deliver John to her with the money, or else face dire consequences. John steps inside the station, where the two share a tense, intimate moment before he and The Blonde confront The Rancher and The Chief.

Behind the tension lies a deeper truth: The Blonde was once John’s girlfriend, who stayed by his side to help seek revenge for his lost family, and Elvis Elvis’s whispered dying words hint that the mask’s fate could still be decided. The Blonde warns that she will return to finish anyone who dares retaliate, and she departs with the satchel, the money, and the hooker who stole John’s wallet—the very doctor The Blonde once left him for.

In a quiet, decisive turn of fate, John departs Station 12 with both the briefcase and the mask, finding that the artifact had not truly been destroyed. He takes the mask back to his Hopi protector from thirty years earlier, completing the long, patient work his father began: returning the mask to its rightful owners and restoring balance to a story built on loyalties, betrayals, and a desire for justice that finally finds its way home.

Last Updated: October 03, 2025 at 06:48