Holding the Man

Set against Melbourne’s late 1970s and early 1980s, this story follows Tim Conigrave from a young boy who begins to understand his sexuality at Kostka, Xavier’s junior (prep) school, to a man who builds a life with the person he loves. The film patiently charts a path that is as intimate as it is historical, grounding personal longing in a changing world.

On the first day of his senior schooling at Xavier College, Tim meets John Caleo, and a deep bond forms between them from the very start. Their connection grows through the years, and at a dinner party organized by Tim’s female friends, a moment that foreshadows Tim’s enduring affection unfolds: the girls know Tim is in love with John, and they pass a kiss around the table for his benefit. The moment crystallizes a truth Tim can no longer ignore, and the two begin a relationship that will shape the rest of their lives.

The two graduate from high school in 1977, with Tim Tim attending Monash University and John studying to become a chiropractor at College. Despite parental opposition and the usual uncertainties of youth, their bond holds steady as time passes. Tim eventually moves to Sydney to pursue acting training at NIDA, while John remains by his side, nurturing their shared dreams even as life pulls them in different directions. Their relationship endures through flirtations, infidelities, and the honest, aching work of loving someone over many years, resisting the urge to reduce their story to simple happiness or tragedy.

As they move forward together in Sydney, a devastating diagnosis alters everything: both men discover they are HIV positive. This moment marks the beginning of a long, painful journey through a disease that, at the time, carried fear, stigma, and immense personal cost. The narrative does not flinch from the hardship—months and years of relatively mild symptoms give way to harsher realities, and the couple faces a future they could scarcely have imagined when they first met.

The autumn of 1991 brings a rapid decline for John, who suffers from lymphoma in addition to the HIV infection. Tim stays by his partner’s side, bearing witness to the cruel progression of the illness while nursing his own pain. The memoir-like intimacy of the film offers a harrowing, unflinching look at a beloved life diminished by illness, and it portrays the couple’s love with a quiet, unvarnished honesty that refuses to flinch from suffering.

Christmas 1991 finds John in Fairfield Hospital in Melbourne, where the end seems near. A month later, on Australia Day 1992, John dies of an AIDS-related illness, with Tim by his side, gently stroking his hair as the world around them continues to move forward. The film lingers on this moment not as a sensational headline but as a human tragedy—the loss of a life shared, the pain of saying goodbye, and a love that persists beyond death.

In the years that follow, Tim continues to tell their story, finishing the memoir that would become Holding the Man. The narrative closes on a quiet, resolute note: nearly three years after John’s death, Tim passes away in Sydney, leaving behind a record of a relationship that endured through a time of fear, stigma, and heartache. The film is not merely a chronicle of illness and loss; it is a testament to the resilience of love and the way two people, against the odds, built a life together in the face of a harsh and changing world.

Last Updated: October 03, 2025 at 06:46