In the shadowy recesses of the Pentagon, Austin Millbarge, a code breaker yearning for adventure, dreams of leaving his humdrum existence behind to embrace life as a daring covert agent. At the same time, Emmett Fitz-Hume, son of an envoy, succumbs to the pressures of his peers and attempts to take the foreign service exam with questionable motives. Their fates intertwine when Fitz-Hume's reckless efforts to bribe the test proctor end in embarrassment, while Millbarge grapples with the aftermath of his supervisor's sabotage, leaving him unprepared for the examination after just a scant 24 hours of study.
The Defense Intelligence Agency (DIA) seizes the opportunity to promote these two underperformers to the esteemed position of GLG-20 Foreign Service Operatives. With only a touch of military training to their names, they are dispatched on a vague mission into the heart of Pakistan and Soviet Central Asia. Unbeknownst to them, a more experienced team is simultaneously on a mission to capture a mobile SS-50 ICBM launcher within Soviet borders, with Millbarge and Fitz-Hume unknowingly serving as decoys designed to divert attention from the main operation.
As chaos unfolds around them, the unlikely duo manages to evade various attacks, only to encounter Karen Boyer, a surviving operative, in the perilous Pamir Mountains of the Tajik Soviet Socialist Republic. In a bid for survival, they don makeshift alien costumes and incapacitate a mobile missile guard unit. Following real-time instructions from their agents operating from the W.A.M.P. military bunker hidden beneath an abandoned drive-in theater, they take control of the launcher. Upon the completion of their mission, it releases an ICBM into the vastness of space, targeting an undisclosed area in the Continental United States.
Faced with the looming threat of a nuclear conflict, both American and Soviet agents forge unexpected alliances, momentarily pausing hostilities in the face of global catastrophe. As tensions mount, Fitz-Hume and Millbarge join forces with Generals Sline and Miegs at the W.A.M.P. operations bunker, where they uncover a startling revelation behind the movie theater facade. Beneath the projection screens lies a colossal black-ops laser and collector/emitter screen, eerily similar to Strategic Defense Initiative technology. The reality of launching a Soviet missile to test anti-ballistic missile systems—a misdirection to convince the President and the U.S. Government of an imminent nuclear strike—comes to light. Despite the laser's malfunction and failure to intercept the missile, Sline and Miegs opt to remain silent about the deception, allowing the dire situation to escalate under the pretense of safeguarding the American way of life.
In the Soviet Union, Millbarge wrestles with guilt over potentially targeting his own country with a nuclear missile. Realizing that the missile's trajectory can be altered, he collaborates with American spies and Soviet technicians, leveraging his missile guidance expertise to send instructions that successfully redirect the projectile into space, resulting in a harmless detonation.
As the dust settles, the W.A.M.P. bunker is invaded by U.S. Army Rangers, leading to the capture of Ruby, Keyes, and the rogue military personnel involved in the unauthorized operation. In an unexpected twist of fate, Millbarge, Fitz-Hume, and Boyer emerge as nuclear disarmament negotiators, thrust into a high-stakes diplomatic arena where their strategic acumen determines the delicate balance of global security.
