In a house, Screw, a teenage girl, is stalked by a figure known as The Killer. During the chase she accidentally runs into a bug zapper and is electrocuted. The killer, disappointed that he wasn’t the one to kill her, lights a cigarette, and the heat of the moment melts his Jason Voorhees-style mask, revealing a face that resembles a Scream mask.
The next day, Dawson Deery starts at Bulimia Falls High School and quickly joins a tight-knit crew consisting of Boner, Slab, Barbara, and Martina. Dawson feels an attraction to Martina, though he isn’t sure if her feelings are romantic or not. As they process Screw’s death, they cling to the belief that school life keeps danger at bay, even as chaos begins to loom outside their classroom walls. An anthrax bomb is being assembled elsewhere, and the killer has already set his sights on more victims and even hints at a plot against the president.
At the same time, they cross paths with EmpTV News reporter Hagitha Utslay, a thrill-seeking journalist who is covering the string of murders and who has even authored a best-selling pop-up book about the case. Hagitha quickly points the finger at Dawson, adding to the tension and suspicion swirling around the new student. The group also meets Barbara’s brother, Doughy, an inept security guard who recently lost his job patrolling a mall and is convinced Screw’s death was nothing more than a prank. Amid the chatter, Hagitha’s cameraman is murdered, a sign that the danger is escalating far beyond a prank.
As the day unfolds, more students fall victim to the killer. Each member of the friend circle receives a letter from the killer, one that seems to know a private secret from their past. The letters force the group to confront memories of a time when they were drunk-driving and hit a deer, then dumped the animal into the sea. Those recollections spark confessions: Martina hasn’t actually laxated her grandmother; Boner’s inadvertent actions led to his brother’s death in prison; Slab smoked his uncle’s ashes; Barbara once removed the “do not remove” tag from a mattress. The tone remains darkly comic, yet the tension grows as the secrets surface.
Meanwhile, Hagitha and Doughy flirt, distracting themselves from the mounting danger. Dawson receives another letter; it’s revealed that he himself was the one who was run over by the others while wearing a deer costume, forced by a hillbilly to don the outfit and pretend to be part of the prank. The hillbilly’s own death—an explosion caused by him farting in a fireplace—adds another bizarre twist to the already tangled night.
Deciding to ride out the threat, the friends plan to spend the night at a secluded house, heading to Slab’s after school. Throughout the late afternoon and evening, each member faces an attack but somehow escapes unharmed. The killer confronts Principal Interest, but the showdown ends with the principal electrocuting himself in a bathtub, removing a potential obstacle from the killer’s path.
That night, the party at Slab’s becomes the center of the suspense. Boner takes an unconscious girl upstairs in a misguided attempt to lose his virginity, yet the killer strikes before anything meaningful can happen. Martina lays out the parody-movie playbook in a humorous aside, while Barbara is chased outside by the killer and nearly ends up meeting a tragic end due to an allergic reaction to bee stings. Martina and Dawson grow closer as the night wears on, and Slab is revealed to have abused steroids, a revelation that ends with his head exploding in a grisly, over-the-top moment.
The chase intensifies as Martina and Dawson are pursued by the killer, while Hagitha and Doughy—preoccupied with strip poker—do not intervene to help. In a climactic turn, Martina, Dawson, and Doughy confront the killer just as Hagitha and Doughy arrive on the scene. The killer is unmasked as Hardy, Doughy’s “evil twin cousin,” whom Doughy intends to let go free. Hagitha, however, shoots Hardy, ending the immediate threat and leaving Doughy to deal with the fallout. Boner survives the night, having taken an entire bottle of Viagra which keeps his heart pumping after the earlier heart attack, a bizarre twist that underscores the film’s offbeat tone. As the trio departs, they receive a final call from the killer, but Dawson refuses to engage and walks away, with the killer following in pursuit.
After the credits roll, a post-credits tag titled “Where The Hell Are They Now?” reveals glimpses of what happens to Dawson and Martina, Slab, Barbara, Nurse Kervorkian, Mr. Buchanan, Resusci-Annie, Boner and his doctor (who is transgender), Mr. Hasselhof, Hagitha, Doughy, the Killer, and the movie crew, and suggests that the high school has a new, improved killer.
