Brian Stimpson, John Cleese, is the organized, punctual headmaster of Thomas Tompion Comprehensive School who has just been elected to chair the annual Headmasters' Conference in Norwich. This is a rare honor for a comprehensive school, and the moment is celebrated in a school assembly where Stimpson announces the news and the students join in singing the hymn To Be a Pilgrim, led by the music teacher, Mr. Jolly, whose presence underlines the formal, almost ceremonial tone of Stimpson’s world.
Stimpson’s carefully rehearsed plans begin to unravel the moment he tries to depart for Norwich. A lingering habit—saying “right” for emphasis—will blur into direction, and he ends up boarding the wrong train. In his desperate bid to catch the departing service, he leaves behind the copied speech that had taken him days to perfect, a casualty of his need for perfect timing. To top things off, his wife, Gwenda Stimpson, Alison Steadman, misreads the situation and leaves him at the station, thinking he has already taken the train.
With time slipping away, Stimpson searches for his wife at home and then at the dementia care hospital where she volunteers. He narrowly misses her each time, trapping him in a frenzied scramble to reach Norwich. In a moment of chance and misfortune, he encounters Laura Wisely, a lively sixth-form student who is driving and taking a study break; Laura is portrayed by Sharon Maiden. In a startling turn, Stimpson seizes her car in a bid to press on toward the conference, turning a tense journey into a madcap chase.
The situation worsens when Mrs. Stimpson—still tending to three senile residents—spots Stimpson and Laura at a petrol station and suspects an extramarital affair. She races after them, while Laura’s parents report the car stolen and their daughter missing, drawing the police into a widening pursuit. The drama is intensified by the presence of Mr. John Jolly, the music teacher who has been secretly dating Laura, adding another layer of complication to the mounting tension. Pat Garden, Penelope Wilton, is sent by a local resident to Stimpson after the attempted phone call at a roadside telephone box, only to reveal herself as an old flame and childhood friend; Stimpson coerces her into driving them toward the conference.
A string of misadventures—wrong turns, cows in fields, and a stuck car in an muddy field—forces Stimpson and the group to improvise. Stimpson ventures into a monastery for a brief reprieve, where the monks encourage him to wash away the chaos and regain his composure, while a farmer tows the car free. Pat, not far behind, is arrested for assaulting a police officer, leaving Stimpson to continue toward the conference with the stained, torn clothes from his car salesman disguise.
Across town, Stimpson’s wife and the other concerned parties—Laura’s parents, Mr. Jolly, and the police—arrive at the conference, creating a tense, uninvited crowd that unsettles the gathered headmasters. With no reliable transport, Laura and Stimpson eventually hitch a ride with a wealthy car salesman. The plan to swap clothes with Stimpson leads to a chaotic yet comic moment as they swap outfits and escape, leaving Stimpson in the car salesman’s torn suit as they make a tense dash toward the conference.
At last, Stimpson arrives, delivering an improvised recount of his lost speech. The hall becomes his stage as he speaks with the authority of a headmaster, directing the room with a brisk, admonishing energy that mirrors his control of a school. As the improvisation gains momentum, familiar figures—old women, Mr. Jolly, Laura’s parents—walk into the hall, and Stimpson treats them as late pupils, delivering a sequence of sharp, controlling remarks that echo his governance at the school. The scene culminates in Stimpson ordering everyone in the room to stand and sing To Be a Pilgrim just as at the opening assembly, a gesture that marks his final assertion of control before he steps into the police’s orbit, leaving the conference with his dignity in tatters as the officers escort him away.
