Ask a Policeman

Sergeant Dudfoot speaks about his life as a policeman at Turnbotham Round during a radio broadcast, painting a long, sleepy view of the force. His staff, Albert and Harbottle, enter after having been poachers, and Harbottle ruins the broadcast with a disruptive interruption.

The next day Dudfoot receives a letter from the Chief Constable announcing an impending inquiry into whether the Turnbotham Round police force is still necessary after ten years with no arrests. To prove their usefulness, the trio resolve to stage an arrest, regardless of risk.

Dudfoot sets up a speed trap on a country lane and stops a driver without license or insurance. They then stop and subdue another driver who turns out to be the Chief Constable, whom they drive back to the station and lock in a cell.

Dudfoot crashes the Chief Constable's car into Harbottle's shop window to fake an accident and mislead about wrongdoing. The Chief wakes, suspicious, but the Squire claims to have witnessed the crash, saving the trio from immediate exposure.

The Chief leaves after Harbottle fabricates a Headless Horseman story when questioned. Dudfoot warns that the station will be closed if they do not arrest a criminal soon, prompting Harbottle to take him to the library to research crime.

A coastguard offers that his lighthouse keeper brother wants a navigational light hung on the police station roof because his ill grandmother will be reassured by seeing it lit. Harbottle misinterprets this, believing the grandmother is alone in the lighthouse, causing him to sob when the matter is mentioned.

Albert suggests ambushing smugglers by placing a keg of brandy on the beach and obtaining a witness. Dudfoot returns with a fisherman bearing a keg of brandy, while Albert and Harbottle claim they have not yet brought their own keg, resulting in two kegs appearing.

Albert's girlfriend Emily screams and collapses after claiming to have seen a Headless Horseman. Albert also spots the Horseman, and a tense encounter in the Squire's garage ends with the Horseman frightening them away, while Harbottle pockets a small package.

Back at the station, the Chief Constable phones about the smuggling operation and orders the trio to locate the smugglers' navigational light. A warning note wrapped around a rock thrown through the station window admonishes them to stay out of matters that are not their concern.

A ticking sound emerges from the package Harbottle found, and they discover pocket watches inside. Harbottle recites a rhyme about the Headless Horseman, though he lacks the final line; his father knows it, pushing them to seek out the source.

Harbottle's father reveals the missing last line and directs them to the Devil's Cave where the smugglers are hiding. The trio learns the cave houses the smuggling operation and the key link to the coast.

The trio investigates the cave, follows a tunnel, and finds barrels of liquor that ironically belong to Harbottle. The Squire is revealed as the smugglers' leader; after a fight, the smugglers lock them in their own cell and escape, forcing a chase in a stolen car that confuses the pursuing police.

A chase on a bike, a lorry, and a London bus ensues as police agents finally capture the smugglers at Brooklands. The pursuit culminates with the capture.

The Chief Constable questions whether he has seen the Squire before; Dudfoot reveals the shop accident story and the Chief orders the trio to be arrested. Dudfoot punches the Chief Constable, and the trio bolt into a sprint along the race track, pursued by other officers.