Stan Helsing

Stan Helsing is an underachieving employee at Schlockbuster who lives by the mottos 'don't get involved' and 'don't talk about it'. His boss Sully orders him to drop off a bag of films to the mother of the store's owner. Reluctantly, Stan agrees and enlists his friend Teddy, his ex-girlfriend Nadine, and the massage therapist Mia to come along before a Halloween party.

In a traffic jam, Stan spots a living doll parody of Chucky making obscene gestures that no one else in the van notices. The disturbing sight causes them to miss their exit. They decide to take a shortcut to reach their destination.

They hit a dog named Sammy Boy and stop to ask a passerby for help, unaware that the man is the dog's owner. The owner threatens to kill them for murdering his dog, forcing them to flee. They escape the dangerous confrontation.

Teddy picks up a hitchhiker who turns out to be convicted of murdering nurses. They violently throw him from the moving vehicle.

At a gas station, the perverted attendants tell Stan that he may be related to Abraham Van Helsing. They depart and head toward Stormy Night Estates, only to realize the attendants hadn't actually put any gas in the car.

They reach a local bar and endure the ire of the townsfolk during a terrible karaoke attempt. They sing Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire, which falls flat and aggravates the crowd.

After leaving the bar, they discover that all the citizens, including their waitress Kay, are dead from a massive fire that consumed the town ten years earlier. They encounter monsters, including the living doll and parodies of Jason Voorhees, Freddy Krueger, Leatherface, and Michael Myers.

In a church, an altar boy informs Stan of his destiny and confirms that he is Van Helsing's descendant. He provides them with weapons to fight the monsters and then ejects them from the church.

The townsfolk stage a karaoke competition, pitting the humans against the monsters. The monsters sing YMCA while the humans respond with a modified I Don't Wanna Go Home about simply leaving. The humans are unanimously declared the winners.

Defying his long-time motto, Stan turns the monsters' weaknesses against them. He defeats the monsters and feeds them to Sammy, who has been brought back to life.

With the town safe, the group calls a cab and leaves as heroes. The eerie quiet of the town fades as they drive away.

On the way home, Nadine realizes she cares for Stan and kisses him. Teddy suggests kissing Mia, but Mia offers a lap dance instead, which Teddy accepts.

The taxi drives away into the night and the sound of moaning echoes as the credits begin. The film ends on a campy horror-comedy note.