The movie begins with a night in 1986 Los Angeles, where a Jennifer Saunders as Dr. Alex Cular, a scientist, is involved in a mysterious incident. A man and a woman, walking home after a night out, encounter two large, hairy homeless individuals who are not ordinary vagrants but monstrous creatures. The man, visibly intoxicated, stumbles into one of these beastly figures and is viciously bitten on the neck, while the woman manages to escape, though she is also bitten. Unfortunately, her escape is cut short when she is hit by a speeding police car. This opening sets a dark, bizarre tone for the story that follows.
The narrative then shifts into the mind of [Michael Mort] as Chuck Steel, a rebellious, hard-edged cop with a troubled past. Through a flashback or dream sequence, we learn about the tragic loss of his wife, who was kidnapped by the local Yakuza, leading to a disastrous fall from a helicopter that ended her life. Chuck wakes up just before ending up in a crash near a circus billboard. His day begins with a stark contrast—a news report about the new governor's plans to combat alcohol abuse and support the homeless, suggesting some hope for the city. Chuck, showing his typical defiance, shoots his TV in anger and heads out to work, accompanied by his new partner, a rookie named Barney.
Steel's notorious approach to law enforcement is on full display when he quickly destroys some gangsters, causing significant collateral damage while disdainfully ranting about how he hates working with partners. His cynicism earns him a stern reprimand from Captain Jack Schitt, who reveals that Barney was so traumatized by their last encounter that he shot himself. Determined to change Steel's pairing, the captain offers him a choice of partner—a Swedish woman, a monkey, or a cheese plant—eventually choosing the woman, only to be shocked when she turns out to be a clumsy, muscular, very large woman.
The duo then visits the hospital to investigate the woman from the opening scene, but they find a strange situation unfolding. An old British man, who is actually Samantha Coughlan as Lucy Steel, is about to stake her out, prompting their arrest. The man introduces himself as Professor Van Rental, revealing that he is a supernatural hunter. He explains that the woman is becoming a "Trampire," a hybrid creature born from vampires turned into alcohol-dependent derelicts during the decline of vampires in Transylvania. According to Van Rental, these creatures now prey on humans with high blood alcohol levels, fueling their insatiable thirst for blood and booze alike.
Chuck initially dismisses these claims but is thrown into jail with Van Rental. His captain then arranges an angry psychiatric session with Dr. Jennifer Saunders as Dr. Alex Cular, who is reluctant at first but becomes involved in his anger management. During their session, Chuck is distant and refuses to discuss his wife, but he grows concerned when he notices the station becoming increasingly dysfunctional under Cular’s influence.
As the days pass, the Trampires multiply and launch attacks, spreading chaos. Van Rental escapes from prison and returns to confront the threat, leading to a pivotal moment where Chuck finally accepts the supernatural reality. He intervenes just as Van Rental stakes the woman, using sunlight to defeat her before she bites Chuck on the nose. The fight results in her turning into a bat, and during this chaos, Chuck’s partner falls to her death from a window. In the aftermath, Chuck and Van Rental try to explain the situation to the skeptically dismissive Captain Schitt, revealing that if Chuck has been bitten, he will become a Trampire himself by midnight.
Steel’s immediate plan involves getting drunk to lure out the monsters. During this time, Van Rental shares critical background on the Master, a powerful Trampire destined to bring about "The Lock-In," an apocalyptic event where the sun is blocked, and the entire world is forced into perpetual drunkenness—an endless food source for the Trampires. The two suspect that the Governor, who plans to regulate alcohol, might be the true Master.
Their efforts to find and stop the monsters lead them to dress Chuck as a woman to attract the creatures, following one back to their hideout—only to discover that Dr. Alex Cular is the true Master, intending to weaken the police force and facilitate her sinister plan. Her goal is to eliminate a figure called the Puritan, who is the key to bringing about the Lock-In, and the detectives deduce this figure is actually the Governor.
Captured by Cular, Chuck and Van Rental are tied up as she departs for the circus with her army of Trampires. At the circus, they find that Cular’s final plan involves transforming into a gargoyle-like creature with grotesque features, including tongues for nipples and a giant womb that ensnares victims. During this climactic confrontation, the Governor is revealed as an Illuminati lizard, fighting her as she attempts to complete her apocalyptic ritual.
In a decisive moment, Chuck is bitten again and nearly becomes a Trampire, but he uses an ex-wife’s crucifix necklace to turn back into a human. Working together with Van Rental, he confronts and destroys the Master using a combination of weapons and holy relics. Van Rental stakes the Master’s liver, ending her reign of terror once and for all.
After the chaos, Chuck reunites with his ex-wife, only to learn that her breakup letter was written by her clown lover, whom she left him for, and she still harbors feelings for Chuck but cannot be with him because he’s not a clown. The story closes with Van Rental warning Chuck that there are still other supernatural creatures to face. Chuck then asks a humorous question, "Face or Balls?" implying his readiness to confront whatever comes next, in true comedic fashion.
This film blends horror, comedy, and absurdity, creating a unique, over-the-top story about monsters, conspiracy theories, and one fiercely unconventional cop’s fight to save Los Angeles from an otherworldly invasion.
